Miles Away from Here

My tuesday ritual...(seems to be anyway)

2010-05-25T14:28:00.010-05:00

Hmmm...it's Tuesday and I'm off work from 6 a.m. - 6 p.m. I've enjoyed hanging out in my dorm room. No seriously-- I live with interns. I have four roommates in this place. We share a fridge, a kitchen, a bathroom...everything. I am back in college, living in the dorms, attending bootcamp for midwives! I never imagined that I would be woken up at midnight by stinky food and a roommate insisting I clear off my shelf in the fridge to make room for her tofu and beans. I thought my roommate days were over when I married N8 nearly 12 years ago!

In any case, it has been nice to enjoy the day alone, catching up on emails and resting. Figured I might as well update my blog too, seeing as how I'm leading this double life at the moment.

Lately I've been having the worst stomach pains. I know it's due to the pregnancy, but it seems to be getting worse as time goes on, not better. I received the following counsel from a friend of mine about as knocked up as I am currently... [and my copy/paste is malfunctioning at the moment and I refuse to transcribe the entire email!]

Basically she said morning sickness comes down to one thing, your thoughts. She has to take inventory of her thoughts and feelings when she feels worse vs. when she feels better. Often times the level of stress and anxiety she was feeling or experiencing at the time contributed to her morning sickness. Ergo she encouraged me to let the cat out of the bag, and tell everyone that if they can't say anything nice to not say anything at all...then of course reminded me of my dad's favorite piece of fatherly advice: what anyone thinks of me is none of my damn business!!

So...am I the reason my intestines are in knots?? Will I suddenly feel renewed once I stop hiding the fact that I'm pregnant from the rest of my collegues?? Or will I be faced with new anxiety for having spilled the beans and constantly be worrying about my place in their world?

p.s. and why do I now have that 80's song stuck in my head???

very funny...

2010-05-18T13:41:00.007-05:00

I haven't logged onto this site since the last time I blogged...which was way back in November. As soon as the web page appeared, I saw a post with a huge "Waiting for Baby" logo...

Ummm...how ironic is it that I am now actually waiting for baby?

Yes, it's true. I am 11 weeks pregnant with Baby #4 and have kept it a secret since we found out on April Fool's day (true story- and it's a long one, maybe I'll share that one down the road).

ANYWAY...once again I have discovered how deeply I miss my anonymous public life. I can spout off now and then on Facebook, but I am still restricted (or guided by my own intuition) to keep some aspects of my life to myself for a while.

Then again, I suppose if I didn't accept all of my 'colleagues' as "FRIENDS" on facebook, I could have more of an open book and I wouldn't have this inner turmoil constantly ruling my posts online!!

Sigh.

Nonetheless, Little Miss will be blogging more often as the next 6 weeks will be quite the challenge for her. [and then some]

p.s. in case you didn't catch the memo...if you are friends with me on facebook, please don't talk about this! I need a place just for me. K thanks.

NaBloPoMo FAIL.

2009-11-22T23:28:00.004-05:00

Ok, ok...I will raise the white flag proudly and accept defeat. THREE births in FOUR days (with very little sleep in between labors) can really knock a gal down for the count! Seriously. It has been one, never-ending dayandnightanddayandnightanddayandnight and finally, the weekend!

Which is now over, and my week is starting all over again tomorrow. Great.

Happy Monday.

Life Before Birth

2009-11-17T22:31:00.002-05:00

Very Early Parenting: An African Model, A Child's Song

"There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they've been born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother's mind.

And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.

And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child's song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.

And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing--for the last time--the song to that person".

Story attributed to Jack KornfieldIn Wayne Muller, "How, Then, Shall We Live?"

If you are pregnant, know someone who is pregnant, or thinking about becoming pregnant, please check out Birth Psychology: Life Before Birth. So much of what we read has to do with what to expect physically during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum; but what about emotions? what about psychology? Motherhood is a journey and all aspects need to be processed, prepared for, grieved for, embraced, or even rejected...but not discounted.

Crizzap!

2009-11-16T21:13:00.003-05:00

Well...another day I missed with NaBloMoShoPodoodah! Ummm, I guess it's ok because I just don't have anything interesting to say at the moment. And who wants to read about nothing? Isn't that why we browse other people's blogs??

I'd like to blame it on pregnancy brain because I'm surrounded by pregnant women all the time! I firmly believe that just as women's cycles can synchronize, so can pregnancy brain and other crazy hormones. Muwahahaha!!

A comment I'd like to share

2009-11-14T22:18:00.006-05:00

Having just returned from the birth of an eleven pound baby boy, born at home and perfect in every way...I can't help but ponder some of the reasons why I am doing what I am doing. Homebirth is not for everyone, in fact, only 2% of the US population gives birth at home. However we can find common ground. If you look at the statistics, there is no doubt our country is in desperate need of maternity care overhaul! Visiting one of the websites I HATE (angry OB turned anti-homebirth and wants every one to know it!), I came across the following comment.

[and I felt like posting]

From Kneelingwoman:

Hello Everyone:

I might suggest that you join forces with a broader notion of maternal and infant health and well being and work alongside people like me who are trying to get educated about a more sane and balanced approach to childbirth that acknowledges the risks but also understands that many, many women truly need a more human-scale, compassionate and yes, for many, more natural and straightforward approach to birth. Hospitals and Birth Centers can accomplish these goals with no loss of safety for mother or baby. Home Birth can be made more safe by improved attention to educating and training midwives in recognizing and dealing with emergency situations. There are so many babies and women dying in childbirth in developing countries, and I truly think that more women would be willing to being open to a more balanced view of birth and parenting if that balance were PRESENTED. As it stands, everything here is extreme, polarized and seems to exist not to educate and inform, but to attack and encourage dissent and disunity. Why not try to find the common ground and grow from there? Sometimes, you have to meet people where they are to make any change.

If you believe that the current system of home birthing care is harming women and babies then stick to education and add a willingness to truly listen when young women come here to ask questions; listen and perhaps sit on your hands for a few minutes before deftly slicing her apart at the seams sending her away with nothing new except a belief that people in authority can't be trusted and that she is probably right when she concludes that Dr's are control freaks who don't care about women. If you don't want to grow the attitudes that encourage a certain sub set of NCB advocates to become extreme in their views and actions---don't feed it by giving them exactly what they think they're going to get. Show some kindness and hold your ground at the same time.

So, there are good things that can happen if you keep your eye on what you are trying to accomplish. If you want to change lives and minds, you have to give people information in a way that doesn't knock them off their own center. The battering ram/bullying approach only makes them withdraw; nothing changes.

I know this goes both ways. I will always do my best to respect WOMEN'S CHOICES, (no matter what those choices are), because I support a woman's right to choose. PERIOD.

bizarre

2009-11-13T20:24:00.003-05:00

Where is Perez when you need him?! Hmmm? I expected SOMEONE to totally rip on Taylor Swift for her performance on the CMA's last night...I have been sorely disappointed. I guess winning Album of the Year had something to do with it, eh? This punk rock/teenage angst thing just wasn't workin for her...and actually, she reminded me of ME (long legs, lanky, not great with choreography but following someone else's dance steps anyway) and I just felt bad for her. Okay, I felt bad for myself. But whatever. Watch the video. You decide.

*word of caution, the song AND the bizarre outbreak (I mean break out) performance by Taylor kinda grows on you after a while

mid-day DO OVER!

2009-11-12T23:31:00.009-05:00

Today was not starting out well...I missed Thanksgiving lunch with Tiny and her Kindergarten class, waiting for Sweetie's class to come an hour later when I got called out for work. It was one of those "drop everything and run" phone calls. I didn't even get to say good-bye or explain to Sweetie why I would not be waiting for her in the school cafeteria.

When I got home a few hours later, both girls were in tears because I had let them down. Not only did I let them down, but they got their feelings HURT. Tiny went so far as to say she wished she wasn't here because then I "would be able to go to Sweetie's lunch and then Bud-duh's lunch and nobody would be left alone". I felt so bad...crawled back into my bed (pillows over top) and cried.

Thankfully there was little time for self-pity. Nannie and Poppie took Tiny to get new shoes, Bud-uh went with Daddy to cub scouts, which left Sweetie and I to enjoy a (spur of the moment) girls night out! We walked to the Chinese restaurant and laughed and giggled and talked and snuggled. Followed by dessert at Dunkin' Donuts...it was so nice to be with her.

*Tonight was in no way a "kiss up" for skipping out on her, though I don't know I can fully express what I am feeling. It was as though I was being given a "do over" to my day. The Lord recognized this need in my life and provided a way to show me I was going to be OK after all. Thank you.

Rain, rain...

2009-11-11T23:37:00.003-05:00

I know things happen for a reason. I know that when we listen to our inner selves (see previous post for expansion on that idea), we can be instruments in the hands of someone greater than us all.

November is a difficult month for a dear friend of mine. Nine years ago she found her son's body in the condo he had been renting. He was almost 19 years old. I was heartbroken when I heard the news. The autopsy reports were inconclusive. He had a history of seizures; therefore the doctor ruled accidental death, but my dear friend feels differently. She is still searching for answers, searching for the truth. Late last night I had the impression that I should send her a YouTube song or video...something to comfort her or bring her some peace. (She's a fan of music this way.) So I began searching with the Beatles and "Let it Be"...seemed like a great song with an inspirational message. But I kept searching. I stumbled upon "Stairway to Heaven" and bookmarked it; thinking that song was too bold. Nearly an hour later, I was still holding onto the last song...finally I sent it to her.

"And as we wind on down the road Our shadows taller than our soul There walks a lady we all know Who shines white light and wants to show How everything still turns to gold And if you listen very hard The truth will come to you at last When all are one and one is all To be a rock and not to roll And she's buying a stairway To heaven..."

And this is the reply I received from my dear friend:

amazing that you came up with that song, when i came home from funeral party (my son's friends) around 2 a.m. by myself in my dark house all alone, my radio came on out of nowhere (i did NOT turn it on) playing exactly that.....these are the moments that make meaning out of unanswered questions. little signs. the first sign was when it came on the radio, this is a seconding of that first one. comforting. like, its all in place....

mo'blogging

2009-11-10T08:16:00.005-05:00

Roadtrip all day yesterday...no posting. How sad. Oh well. If I'd have mobile blogged yesterday, it would have ended with lots of swearing and awkward silences. (Doesn't make for good reading- unless you're me and you want to feel like someone else "knows how I feel" and can relate to ME!)

there I go with the multiple personalities thing again.

Ya know, I'd like me if I never met me. Seriously. I think I'm a pretty cool gal.

Titles for the day...

2009-11-08T23:43:00.001-05:00

Tiny didn't get the memo (hello sunrise!).
Why Handy Manny?!
You wanna do WHAT to my spine?
Anxiety in a needle.
Fix up the car, fix up the mama.
New tires or a vacation in Hawaii?
Who took away my Sunday afternoon nap?
Jacuzzi jets- watch out, they spit!
Pillaging Daddy D.O.'s house, quite the rush!
Time was far spent ; (
Didn't miss a NabloPoMo day- I haven't gone to bed yet! So there.

And my favorite:
Dear Sunday afternoon nap, where the hell were you??

How many days in November??

2009-11-07T21:55:00.008-05:00

Well crap...look what I've gotten myself into with Nabloshmopo... I have been on the road all day, need to get some school work done, probably even go to bed and get some much needed rest. Instead, well? Here I am fulfilling my duty.

So I decided to take a trip up north to visit Willy D.O. (aka Daddy). Driving through Tennessee this time of year was...well, to be honest? A little disappointing this time around! I don't know if my outlook was poor (I'm still having some health issues and not much of a happy camper these days) or if all the trees and all the beautiful fall leaves were, well... just dying and rotting leaves, nothing even close to breathtaking as I remember from previous years of making the same drive.

Either I need an attitude adjustment or mother nature does!

Hopefully Willy D.O. will be able to work some doctor magic, get me feeling 110% again, and sprinkle some fairy dust on the trees and make them sparkle for my drive back home Monday. And not this fairy dust...the OTHER kind of fairy dust, ya know, like Tinkerbell and the Sparrowmen? Oh wait, dad doesn't wear green tights either. Damn. Nevermind. Skip the fairy dust part--go right for the touch of gold.

LIKE KING MIDAS!
Yes, that's the one.

p.s. before you go throwing stones at me... I've already done it for you. No need to say you feel my remarks were offensive. (And just for the record, there were men dressed as actual fairies in the pride parade-- hence the jog down memory lane!) So there.

Listen to instinct...

2009-11-06T14:39:00.005-05:00

I know something has been nagging me lately, and I just haven't felt WELL.

Having run-ins with doctors, teachers, clients...I am reminded again and again of how important trusting my instincts can be. If something doesn't feel right, if something seems off...guess what?! I'm going to go with it because chances are my instincts are telling the truth. And trusting these instincts and following through with the promptings I am given can be a tough choice to make, but it's one that I will go with [despite your books, and your wisdom, and your research]--I will go with MY GUT.

Whether you call it mother's intuition, gut feelings, listening to your inner self or your conscience, or the whisperings of the Holy Spirit...all describe one thing: guidance for your actions. And my intuition is telling me something is not right. Maybe YOU are the one that needs to "listen".

My new mantra for this month (and possibly for the rest of my life):
“A few strong instincts and a few plain rules.”~ William Wordsworth

Dear department of transportation: YOU SUCK.

2009-11-05T08:47:00.000-05:00

When my oldest started Kindergarten, (which made me unhappy to say the least)...the idea of sending her to school on the bus gave me a stomachache. I never thought I would be "that parent" standing out at the bus stop; I hated everything about the idea from the lack of seatbelts to the creepy old men that drove those things. However due to other adorable children (ahem) in our neighborhood, the idea of riding the bus eventually stormed into our household. I fought it for as long as I could, but I did indeed succumb to the beggings of a 5 yr old and allow her to step on that bus.

[Fast forward 4 years] Now all three of the munchkins are in school, and life has become simplified by riding that bus. While I am not happy that our bus route is the first one of the day and the last one in the afternoon, I still try to be grateful for having the capability to rely on public transportation when necessary.

[background info] My kids leave for school at 7:14 a.m. and return home at 2:56 p.m. (note that school is from 8:00 a.m. - 2:20 p.m.), not terrible but my kids are "second load" meaning they are the only route that has to wait until all the kids get dropped off first before being picked up from school (which is an extra 20-25 minutes of waiting). The fact that they have not changed this route in 4 years still pisses me off...my children are away from home much longer than they need to be already and yet they won't rotate the bus schedule so it's at least fair.

[fast forward to today]...imagine my surprise when the bus driver hands us a sheet with "bus stop changes", which also requires our children to be waiting at the corner of the neighborhood 5 minutes earlier than the new time.

OUR NEW TIME?! 7:00 a.m.

So let me get this straight...you already hoard my children before they've even had a chance to really wake up in the morning, you ditch them like leftovers in the afternoon, and now you want to start this whole process 15 minutes EARLIER?!

Look- let me put it this way, Mrs. "thank you for your patience in making this adjustment and ensuring your child's continued transportation needs are met" I have your number on speed dial and you are CRAZY if you woke up this morning thinking today is going to be a good day.

Year in Review (err Blog in review)

2009-11-04T16:25:00.004-05:00

I lost my blog passion a couple years ago. [and let's be honest, it was replaced with FB obsession] But I once heard "obsession is the word lazy people use for dedication", so we'll just go with that!

In order to find myself (and to try to reconnect with the old me) I read through some old posts- and I have to say it was like discovering a different person!

I laughed in the middle of the night. I can't believe how self-deprecating I have been on this blog!! Now I'm convinced I have multiple personalities...I can't even remember writing these things, and while surfing through my archives, it was as though we had never met.

Hi. My name is Little Miss.

And I need to stick with the meds

and stay away from sharp objects.

80/20

2009-11-03T19:49:00.008-05:00

My brother in-law called last night. I believe the timing was just what I needed. He shared a story with me...

The girls' room has been a disaster for a long time now. Every attempt we have made to get them to put their toys away, clean their room, make their beds, and put way their clothes has failed. We have bribed; we have rewarded; we have threatened; and yet still, we have failed. Finally (mother and father) decided the girls may choose 20% of what is currently in their room to keep in their room. The rest is getting boxed up. That's right. 80% of their clothes, toys, shoes, games, stuffed animals, dresses, and even underwear were boxed up and placed in the attic. The rule was made that if they could handle a simplified version of their room, slowly they could earn back some of their belongings. [And their room was bare bones of what it was before!] After the screaming and the fits, one of the girls came downstairs and said, "you know daddy, I kind of like my room now".

Pondering this story I can't help but think about how cluttered our lives can become. I can't count the number of times I have felt overwhelmed with my life and looked for ways to be rescued. Can you imagine if we were to box up of 80% of our time, our issues, our concerns, and our "freedoms" how great that 20% could become?? My brother in-law, being faced with great challenges over the past several years, suggested that perhaps trials are the Lord's way of sweeping out the 80% that bogs us down, teaching us what is truly important, and helping us to take care of the simplest 20%...and if we can manage, He just might bless us with the other 80.

yes- that SMELL?!

2009-11-02T08:02:00.000-05:00

Having been pregnant three times, there are certain ummm...alterations my body has made.

I can wet my pants with a sneeze or two jumps on a trampoline (try me!)

My boobs sag like my grandma's (only hers were double EE's, mine are just double)

My gag reflex has been forever altered.

For example, if you cook fish in this house, if you cook eggs in this house, or if you cook fish AND eggs in this house, I will gag. If I change a really horrible diaper, chances are, I will gag. If there is something rotting in the backseat or in the garage or in the fridge, guess what? I will gag.

So do not be surprised if the smell of rotting cabbage (otherwise known as sauerkraut) being heated over the stove makes me GAG. It's not your cooking that is making me gag; it's your choice of ingredients.

And if I have to plunge the clogged toilet and scoop shit out by hand in order to get the thing to flush, do not be surprised if I run to the sink and gag and vomit. Even if it is only 5 minutes after the last time I gagged due to the rotting vegetables simmering in my kitchen...I am not saying your cooking is the equivalent of scooping SHIT OUT OF THE TOILET.

You made that connection all on your own, and I can't be blamed for the physiological changes my body has endured by carrying your children. I'm just sayin...we all have to make sacrifices.

Get with the times, or GET AWAY from the times?

2009-11-01T16:10:00.000-05:00

Social networking has hit an all time high with the rising popularity of Facebook. [sounds like a CNN lead-in, right?] Well I tripped over my pajama bottoms and fell deep into the FB abyss months ago ((ok, ok-- years ago)) and have never really come out, except maybe a time or two to rival the curiosity I had been fighting.

It's true, FB became my "new blog" over the past couple of years. I started with a few friends, a few acquaintances. The numbers rose, I felt quite popular, and it wasn't long before I accepted "friends" that I had never met before. Now as a blogger, I was used to this. It didn't bother me that I had a wall full of people that knew nothing about me other than what I slapped in that 240 character space I called my own.

However the more people I accepted as "friends," the more conservative I found myself. And I did not like it! The more I relied on FB, the less I cared about my blog. I began to miss my freedom of expression. I missed venting without offending my family or the people I knew, or family who knew the people I knew but didn't know me or see me on a regular basis. (Not that my blog wasn't offensive in some ways...certainly it was!) But I was thinking last night, "I can be offensive if I wanna be because, well, it's my own personal corner of the world wide web and I'm not forcing anyone to read what I have to say. Besides, it's not like blogger has a graffiti wall or something!"

And that's when it hit me.

My Facebook page has become a grafitti wall!

It all makes perfect sense now. Because I am part of this FB network, I am subjecting all of my "friends" to the links I have posted and the words I have written. I can virtual slap someone across the face, I can virtual hug someone who is sad, and I can get into a virtual argument with the people I consider to be my "friends". The downfall? It's all public. [And my friends are your friends and your friends have friends that are friends with my friends and then they want to be friends with me so they can express their unwarranted opinions which offend my friends and suddenly we're all defriending each other and starting over.]

I think it's time for me to nurture my creativity once again (read: vent and bitch and gripe and moan without fear of repercussion). I have joined NaBloPoMo for this year in an attempt to keep my spirits motivated and my head clear. Wish me luck!

Interesting

2009-10-28T23:24:00.005-05:00

I have no idea where my love of blogging has gone...probably down the drain along with some of those "priceless" friendships. I'm sitting here in the loft of my (new) old house wondering how in the HELL I ended up here?? I hesitate to look through my blogroll because it stirs up old memories, some good and some bad, but ALWAYS some regret. I don't like that I've lost touch with old acquaintances, HATE it that I've lost touch with old friends. My blog has become a graveyard and I think I need a fresh start. My life has changed. My friends have changed. My "need" for blogging has evolved into something completely different. I haven't fully decided if I want to delete this blog altogether and start a new one somewhere else? [Because, truthfully, it is still MY history--still very much a part of ME. So why would I want to throw it all away?] Then again, it's not me...not any more. And I deserve a breath of fresh air, not one filled with regret and constant reminders of past failures. [And sometimes, it just feels GOOD to take out the trash, ya know??]

If you want to find me- email me littlemissblogspot at yahoo dot com

If you have sent messages to littlemissblogspot (at yahoo) in the past and never heard back, I'm sorry. It's so filled with SPAM that I couldn't possibly pull my head out of my ass to sift through it all. My inbox will be deleted (another fresh start), and the new one will be listed soon.

That is all for now. Best wishes. Namaste. Alvederzane. (and all that flowery jazz).
Maybe I'll stick around. Maybe not.

Posting again- purely for selfish reasons!

2009-03-14T22:52:00.004-05:00

Surfing the internet (fighting insomnia and losing) I came across this blog that could have come from my own notebook...if only I were as creative and fun to read that is-

C-Jane, Friday the 13th (Mean Mom)

I must say the secretaries at my children's school are truly AMAZING. I have stories, lots of stories but don't want to take away from this great post. Maybe another sleepless night, but not tonight.

Let's just leave it at this...I feel her pain having to walk into the office with all the children in tow and sheepishly signing the tardy slips! ROFLMAO (and I hate acronyms)!

I love to shop!

2008-12-19T14:10:00.003-05:00

Big surprise, eh?

This year I received gift cards from my family as well as for N8. We have had so much fun shopping for ourselves (without the guilt)--it's been amazing!

So what if I know what's under the tree? I picked it out myself and had a blast doing it!

YouTube makes me HAPPY

2008-12-05T09:44:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is about YouTube but it seriously makes me so happy. Maybe the sleep deprivation and stress levels are finally taking its toll on my psyche...but I've been laughing my ass off for the past 1/2 hour (taking a nice break between medical terminology and the third stage of labor)-- humor me, just laugh. OK?

Are you kidding me?

2008-11-21T14:09:00.009-05:00

According to this new article Baby, you're home... in the NY Times the National Association of Obstetrics and Gynecology convinced the American Medical Association to join the coalition against home births and in June of this year the AMA made an official statement "condemning home births".

Now I understand the medical community makes a ton of money off everyday, naturally occurring events. However when a naturally occurring event (take POOPING for example) gets hindered in some way, medical attention can help get things moving again (think: stool softener or laxative). If there is a serious condition and the intestines suddenly stop working properly or become perforated in some freak accident, then medical attention is available to help you get your shit together (pun intended, thank you very much). Now why on earth would I feel the need to go to a doctor's office if I suddenly have the urge to poop? Will I feel comfortable going into a sterile environment with monitors and bright lights to allow my body to function properly in front of 4 strangers? Or do you think I'd like to remain within the comforts of my own home?

Until 50 years ago, maternity wards in hospitals were very scarce. Women were giving birth the same way women have been bringing children into this world for the past TWO THOUSAND YEARS. Primitive societies (or those without access to modern medical technology) have much lower mortality rates in mothers and newborns. WHY do you think this is true?

According to the CDC the "leading cause of infant mortality is congenital malformations, deformations and chromosomal abnormalities with a rate of 20.2 percent. Disorders related to short gestation and low birth weight was the second leading cause of death for all infants at 16.4 percent of all deaths. Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the third leading cause of infant death. Its incidence decreased by about 9 percent, which it has been doing since 1988. The fourth leading cause of death comes under the heading of newborn affected by maternal complications of pregnancy. This rate actually increased from 2001 to 2002 from 37.2 per 100,000 live births to 42.9 per 100,000 in 2002."

Congenital malformations and genetics- will they still exist in a hospital birth? YES. Disorders related to short gestation and subsequent low birth rates- will they still exist in hospital births? YES. And guess what else? If a woman goes into preterm labor then she is sent to the hospital for medical intervention!! SIDS- does this still exist with hospital births? YES. Can it be prevented? NO. Maternal complications of pregnancy? Guess what? Prenatal care and continuous followups maintain the same level of preventative care and awareness that would exist in an obstetrician's office.

So what EXACTLY are you saying about giving birth at home? Genetics? Premature labor? SIDS? Prenatal Complications? But what EXACTLY are you saying about BIRTH?

that's what I thought.

You know how difficult it's been trying to take away womens rights to abortion? Just wait until you see the opposition that will be shoved down your throat when you try taking away womens rights to give birth!!!! You will see less prenatal care because women don't want to risk the state finding out they are pregnant and requiring them to go to the hospital. You will see more babies born on the side of the road or across state borders to avoid your restrictions. You will see mother and infant mortality rates increase dramatically...all in the name of "safety".

Now take your ball and go home- you're no longer invited to play.

School started last week...

2008-11-10T20:51:00.002-05:00

that's it.
that's all i have to say.

I started my program for Midwifery and have been SO INCREDIBLY BUSY ever since. I have been out of school way too long for this crap. Seriously it's kickin my ass.

My vote- November 4th 2008

2008-11-03T14:41:00.011-05:00

First- TRY THIS and then continue reading...

Either way this election will meet historic levels; either a black man will be President or a woman will be Vice President and both are truly remarkable events in our history! I feel every American will be able to tell their children "you can be anything you want to be when you grow up, even President of the United States" and truly mean it! Now, having stated my warm fuzzies...here are the rest of my thoughts:

"Families making more than $250,000 will pay either the same or lower tax rates than they paid in the 1990s. Obama will ask the wealthiest 2% of families to give back a portion of the tax cuts they have received over the past eight years to ensure we are restoring fairness and returning to fiscal responsibility. But no family will pay higher tax rates than they would have paid in the 1990s." 7.5 million working mothers will benefit from Obama's tax plan, 7 million seniors won't even be taxed, 10 million homeowners will get a mortgage tax credit, and he will work to close those loopholes that have Republicans worried. Only the top 2% of households would see an increase, and even then it would only be an increase of 3%- living in the middle class, working in the middle class, and raising my children in the middle class- I'm in favor of tax reliefs for the majority and against the wealthiest of Americans getting all the tax breaks.

I guess I am turning into a Liberal- definitely good to know!

Lowering taxes for the wealthy is a Republican thing. They have been getting tax breaks while the rest of the economy is suffering and it's not fair. Shouldn't the MAJORITY reap some of the benefits? Republicans seem to believe you just have to "work harder" to get out of poverty and break the cycle. Well guess what? They are blind and have never been in a situation like that- it's not as simple as that. It's nice to be among the privileged in our country. My mother was on welfare and I still had my needs met. I was able to attend a good college because I had the opportunity to think only about MYSELF and MY future. Many never get that chance. Many can't afford to go to college and NOT be supporting their brothers and sisters. I could go on and on. But yes, I am a Liberal.

I believe in equal rights for women. I believe in equal rights for gays and lesbians. I believe in the redistribution of wealth. If I suddenly make over $250K in one year, guess what? by all means, the government can take their fair share because I have been blessed enough to make a decent income. I am willing to share that wealth because it truly benefits us all. One way or another, we will be spending our money on the poor and underprivileged; either through welfare, education tax credits, medicaid/medicare, orphaned children, or prisons. Either way I am willing to share my money for the greater good of this nation and I trust our President to do it. I don't however have that much trust in the American people- given what they have shown over the past two years in preparing for this election!

And one more thing- I don't want my taxes continuing to fight a useless war; one that can't be "won". I'm ready for my friends' husbands to return home and start focusing on OUR COUNTRY. Indeed I am a Liberal.

And I studied anthropology for 5 years. I learned tolerance. I learned acceptance. I learned we don't live in an Utopian society. I learned that in a true democracy all members of the society have equal access to power (right now those who have the money have all the access) and that all members enjoy universally recognized freedoms and liberties (right now those freedoms and liberties are not available to ALL AMERICANS). So many people have this belief that unrealistic ideals can be achieved through capitalism, commercialism, and exploitation (often of intangible goods like "happiness" or at the expense of those living below the poverty level). My mom was on welfare while we were living in Oklahoma. I grew up on food stamps. And we consider ourselves BLESSED that a government program was available to help. My dad left. My mom started working two jobs. I was a latch key kid. My brother got a job to help my mom pay the bills. DO YOU THINK WE DESERVED THAT?! and we were one of the lucky ones.

So YES- I will allow the government to take my money and distribute it to the places they deem worthy and necessary. And while I disagree with the war, if my President chooses to continue spending trillions of dollars and thousands of American lives in the name of "democracy" in a foreign country that has not been changed in over 2,000 years then I will allow it because he is our President. I still believe in our government. And I choose to support a candidate who has the greatest chance of changing corrupt government and shifting the focus back to Americans.

And while I'm at it...here are my thoughts on Prop 8:

I feel marriage should be sanctioned by religious affiliations and that the government should STAY OUT OF IT completely. We should all be entered into a "domestic partnership" with our mates as far as the law is concerned; however that is not the case as the government MAKES it their business to spell it out for us. And since the government makes it their business, they have an obligation to be fair and to give equal access to all members of society and to allow ALL members universally recognized freedoms and liberties as well as equal protections and sanctions (which are currently not available to ALL AMERICANS).

People are being discriminated for the type of lifestyle they choose to live. It wasn't that long ago that interracial (sp?) marriages were illegal and highly denounced publicly at best. Our country is founded upon "liberty and justice for all". Does "separate but equal" racial laws not ring a bell? 1,138 rights are given to heterosexual married couples, same sex domestic partnerships leave out a GREAT DEAL of those rights and must be (and have been) fought for one bill at a time. Bottom line, Prop 8 writes discrimination against one group of people into our US Constitution and regardless of my religious beliefs, that is still wrong.

**wow that feels good to get all my thoughts out "on paper"! I realize people feel just as strongly in the opposite direction, and by all means, I support your decision. However my own conscience tells me to vote for Barack Obama and that is exactly what I will do! (and you better do the same for the candidate you deem most qualified to handle the position!)

GET OUT AND VOTE!

**and if my mumbling was too boring- check out what Crazy Beautiful has to say regarding the issue (don't worry, it's a short post!)

So far I've been both AWARDED and BOOed

2008-10-28T15:54:00.002-05:00

I'm so confused. Rocket Girl thinks I'm worth "wasting her time" and Sher thinks my blog should be "boo-ed". I've added both ummm...awards on my sidebar.

thanks girls for thinking of me!
xxoo

Good to Know I'm Still 29!

2008-10-28T08:06:00.002-05:00

What's My RealAge?

Calendar Age
30.3
Difference
-0.6
RealAge
29.7

Review your eating habits

Do more cardio

Hang up and drive

Make breakfast a must

Ease your headaches

Check up on feeling down

Depression has many causes and solutions. Take the Depression Health Assessment to get a more in-depth analysis about your depression and find some possible solutions. Here’s why: Depression can be a daily struggle. But the majority of sufferers find relief through self-care strategies, psychotherapy, . . . medication, or a combination of these.

4 Ways to Fight Depression

1. Try to unwind. Yoga, meditation, tai chi, journaling, progressive muscle relaxation, deep-breathing exercises, or any hobby that helps you unwind can help with emotional balance.

2. Keep moving. Physical activity helps relieve anxiety and stimulates the release of feel-good endorphins. Eat good food. A nutritious and balanced diet that includes fruit, vegetables, whole grains, lean protein, and low-fat dairy -- and is light on caffeine and alcohol -- helps body and mind.

3. If you take an antidepressant, be sure to get ample amounts of folic acid, which may boost the drug's effectiveness.

4. Get enough sleep. Depression can interfere with normal sleep habits. Aim for 6 to 8 hours a night for optimal health. Try these tips for getting better ZZZs.

Schedule time for yourself

Reach out to others

You said that you went through one or more difficult life events in the last year. Unfortunately, they likely made your RealAge older. The good news? Your social support network (family, friends, organized groups) is excellent. To relieve the effects of stressful circumstances, . . . reach out to your network, and keep building connections. If tough times continue to affect your health or happiness, talk to a counselor.

Here’s why: In general, strong social ties help you work through anxiety and can counterbalance the aging effects of stressful events.

6 Ways to Reduce Stress and Tension

1. Try yoga, tai chi, or chi-gong. Or just go for a walk. 2. Meditate, or enjoy some quiet time in nature. This will get you started. 3. Write in a journal, strum a guitar, draw, paint, or do your favorite craft. 4. Spend time with good friends, or give your pets extra love and attention. 5. Listen to relaxation tapes or soothing music. Here’s how rhythms relax you. 6. Watch a funny movie, or engage in any activity that inspires a good belly laugh. Laughter is good medicine!

“Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.”~Author unknown

“There is a fountain of youth: It is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”~ Sophia Loren

“Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper.”~Adelle Davis, nutritionist

I'm not CRAZY, I'm just a little UNWELL

2008-10-20T16:07:00.007-05:00

Finding my Mantra

2008-10-07T19:55:00.017-05:00

I need a mantra. I can't sleep. My brain won't shut off at night...and I run around in circles inside my head all night long. My mom said to breathe. 23 times. Nice and slow. Then decide on three phrases that can I can say over and over to reinforce positive and calm thinking...hopefully helping me fall asleep.

"I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected..."

Well that worked for a few minutes. It was calming, relaxing, and I even felt a bit sleepy. Then I needed some more positive reinforcement...so onto the next mantra. Let's see...what will make me feel peace?

"I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I have the Lord's Spirit with me. I am cherished. I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I have the Lord's Spirit with me. I am cherished..." (cherished. I love that word. this is good!)

"I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I have the Lord's Spirit with me. I am cherished. I am a daughter of our Heavenly Father. I have the Lord's Spirit with me. I am cherished..." (cherished reminds me of cream roses and the color of gold)

wait a minute...what song is in my head?? what am I humming??

give me faith, give me joy, my boy...i will always cherish you

Cherish!! Cherish!! (80's song by Madonna??!!...Cherish your love!!

damn. there goes my new mantra. there goes my peace. there goes my calm. i'll be up the rest of the morning hours singing "Cherish the thought of always having you here by my side-oh baby I Cherish the joy...I'm always singing it! Cherish your strength. You got the power to make me feel good...."

What? You don't like my depressing post??

2008-10-02T13:32:00.003-05:00

Tagged. I assume it's because no one wants to read about how I think we're all going to hell in a handbasket...SOOOO here ya go, Sher!

(in no particular order):

1. I have to brush my teeth after I shower. If I work out in the middle of the day and have to shower...I brush my teeth. If I take a quick "sponge bath" (because let's be honest here...how often do I actually GET to shower in the middle of the day??), I brush my teeth. AND it HAS to be with the Original gel CloseUp toothpaste or my teeth still feel like they're surrounded by morning breath.

2. I hate going upstairs at night. Even though I'm 30 years old now...I still feel like someone is chasing me. I'm grateful my stairs are split now I can check behind me after only 4 stairs one direction and 4 stairs the other. (I also hate going DOWNstairs at night...relive the broken toe incident here).

3. I am a nightowl and I HATE mornings. I get my second wind the instant everyone else falls asleep...so I'm left to entertain myself for hours on end until I finally force myself to go to bed. And by morning I always feel like I have a hangover from the previous night...so my poor children are more than thrilled to leave me and head off to school!

4. I am lazy. I ain't gonna lie. I am selfish and I am lazy. I put off tomorrow (what I know I won't actually do tomorrow) for the simple fact that I don't want to deal with it today. I don't mind that my kids like to watch t.v. while I do something else simply because I WANT TO. My life revolves around...ME. I look at Ms. Sunshine Junie B. Cleaver next door outside playing with her little boy and her little girl fifteenhundred times a day (and walking her spoiled little dog at the ass crack of dawn TWICE around the block) and then only get even more pissed off that I am so incredibly selfish. In fact it frustrates me so much that I grab a Coke Zero and a Hershey bar and tell the kids to "shush so I can read this" and try desperately to block out the butterflies and rainbows that seem to be bursting through my windows from the Cleavers down the street.

5, 6, 7. I can't think of anything else...I'm back in my downward spiral (sorry, Sher!) and there's just nothing else I can add to lighten the mood. Perhaps tomorrow will be a better day and I'll feel like updating just a bit...we'll see. For now...Barefoot (this should be interesting!), Rocket Girl, Just Me, and Brandelena- consider yourself tagged. (I don't think it's fair to tag more than 4 since I only gave 4 random answers!)

And Jess- you are tagged too (even though the rest of blogworld can't SEE your answers. I CAN.)

Downward Spiral

2008-09-29T09:39:00.004-05:00

It's getting kind of scary around here. Gas shortages in the southeast are literally leaving people stranded on the side of the road. Our Gov. said we "have ample gas and that it hasn't hit the lows that it did after Hurricane Katrina". (Apparently he isn't actually IN georgia!) Ummm...it's a serious issue. Cars are lining the streets leading up to the gas stations, officers are directing traffic and trying to keep the peace, and gas stations are running out of gas the same day they get their shipments. And at $4.39/gallon and limits of $40 per vehicle...that doesn't provide much fuel for someone waiting in line for over 2 hours!!

I know there are other issues going on around the country. The power outages in Ohio left my dad without electricity for 10 days, the hurricanes left Barefoot's kids out of school for weeks. We have an economy that is crashing, (our home equity line of credit was taken away a few months ago because our property has lost value), the never ending war in Iraq is...well, never ending, and the elections are approaching quickly. I fear for either party, regardless of political affiliation. This next president will be leading us down a treacherous path that was put in place 8 years ago by the great George W. And I am scared. We are reaping the fruits of our labors now more than ever and it's only going to continue to get worse.

Cramps.

2008-09-23T10:55:00.007-05:00

When having the flu just isn't enough.

*brought to you by the makers of Midol, Motrin, Playtex, and some ancient Chinese home remedy (not yet approved by the FDA) and sponsored in part by the national foundation of women who support the use of birth control but forget to take it regularly and end up with horrible, debilitating cramps every 4-6 weeks.

Discovery and Healing

2008-09-18T22:18:00.007-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATED high school. I could jump on my soapbox in a heartbeat and rant about how girls can be so mean and boys can be so cruel.

I could tell you how often I was teased about being scrawny, tall, awkward, and flat chested. I could tell you I was the brunt of a lot of jokes but how I laughed them off as though they didn't bother me. I could tell you how my friends used me because I had a car-- how they would invite me to parties JUST because they needed a ride (and even though I knew it somewhere in the back of my head, I still wanted to believe they actually WANTED me there). I could tell you how I lost the one true friend I had in high school because I was always trying too hard to be the aforementioned friend to a group of girls who could care less rather I suffered or not, so long as I was there when they needed me. I could tell you about how desperately I wish I could have that friendship back but pride got in the way until 6 years later, when I finally apologized--but of course it was too late. I could tell you about the girls who hated me and made my life a living hell. I could also tell you my experience in middle school wasn't too far off either.

So for me to actually log onto Facebook and see names and faces of people from my past-- it was surprising to find that I wasn't hurt or angry or even remotely upset. Could this be how I really felt? As I started to look up the names and faces of those I remembered, I began to realize my life was never as bad as I once thought it was. I had so much anger built up (actually "bitterness" is a better description). I harbored so much bitterness and resentment toward those horrible experiences that I let it overshadow my memories of the good times for the past 13-14 years.

And now, over the past 5 short days my history has been rewritten in a much more positive light. I have reconnected with friends from elementary school, college, and even a few from high school. And.I.am.so.happy! I wish I could explain just how cathartic and healing this has been for me...but I can't find the words to do it justice.

All I can say is that this week has truly given me a new perspective on how I view my past. I have some great memories. I have some great friends. And I just might let my girls grow up and attend high school after all.

Little Miss is...

2008-09-15T16:23:00.010-05:00

A mom. And now business woman. She's juggling a lot of balls right now.
heehee. i just said balls.

Summer time and sleeping in is now filled with business trips and ballet, chess club and violin, preschool and gymnastics, homework and bath time, checkups and dentist appointments...

And all of these activities have turned her children into little petri dishes!! (or carrier monkeys, you choose) She has been hit with a stomach bug over the weekend, and now she's got the flu! (ok, well maybe it's not "the flu" seeing as how Willy D.O. said it was too early in the season for actual influenza to start hitting) But she feels awful. She feels stoned. She's tired and exhausted but can't sleep. And the world won't stop so she can rest.

bills are due, kids ran out of lunch money

(would have been good to know YESTERDAY),

early release day today (seriously?!), phone calls to make,

birthday party to attend, ballet classes x2,

project for work that can't wait any longer,

and vet appointment for Damn Dog.

one might wonder why it is that a) she's always getting sick and b) that it takes her so long to recover?? then again...one might be stupid.

Sad...

2008-08-31T22:07:00.002-05:00

Another hurricane is headed for the wounded New Orleans coastline and I was stuck in the Cincinnati airport yesterday for 5 hours with nothing to do but check the news and watch the weather channel. Between the presidential conventions, the hurricane, and soldiers returning home from Iraq (at the airport!)...I was an absolute wreck! I wrote my thoughts down anyway.

My heart is hurting for the gulf coast right now. My mind is swirling with the future of the United States and our ever so trusting government...and then about five minutes ago I witnessed a young mother and her little girl welcome daddy home from Iraq--someone they haven't seen since December! I cried and desperately tried to get the words "welcome home" out of my chest...but I failed miserably. I'm just an emotional wreck right now.

I've got a lot to be grateful for and counting my blessings only makes me feel even more like crying. I have a good family. I have a good job. I have a bright future with my husband. I have a roof over my head, two cars in our driveway, a checking and savings account at the bank, great schools for my children, new clothes in my closet...and that's only the material part of my life. I know how truly blessed I am in many other ways!
My life is truly BLESSED.

And yet I sit here...
and I cry.
And my heart breaks.
And I relive the worst moments of my life.
Because it's happening again.

only this time I'm not there to help.

10 years. TEN YEARS!

2008-08-14T13:22:00.022-05:00

When we first met in college, we were both taking a boring anthropology class called The Comparative Aesthetics of Beauty (aka bizarre course given to a whack job professor so he could work out all of his psychosocial issues and give students college credit for surviving all at the same time). I would peak in the classroom first and if he wasn't there, I'd bail. We managed to meet up one afternoon right before class and decided to skip class and get ice cream instead.

If we actually managed to endure class we would walk home together. I knew he was headed home, and even though I needed to be back up at the library in an hour, I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. Half way home he'd take the road that led to his house and I continued to my apartment. Once the coast was clear, I'd head back up to campus.

A couple weeks later was "A Day" on campus...a day for school spirit, games, ditching classes, and simply celebrating being an Aggie. He said he'd call me. I didn't leave my room all day...just waiting for his phone call. Finally he called and invited me to a party that night- I was ecstatic! We walked over to his friend's house and found a quiet (ish) corner to sit on the floor and chat while everyone else blasted loud music and drank. We were enjoying ourselves. Close to midnight though was the Guinness Book or World Records night on campus for the most people kissing at one time. Still...having NEVER kissed me this whole time...he asked if I wanted to go up to the A (it's a statue where you kiss to become a "true Aggie"). He took my hand and led me up the hill just in time for the 10 second count down. It was amazing! We made it into the world record book and became inseparable from that moment on.

*~Only later did I realize he used to skip class too. If he didn't see me, he'd turn the other way and ditch the crazy psychosocial babbling of Professor Whack job. AND I later found out that he lived in the opposite direction of my apartments--so even though he had to be back to work in an hour (on campus) he would walk me 1/2 way home in the WRONG DIRECTION (when neither of us had a reason to be going home for the day) just so we could spend more time together~*

I'm so glad we figured that out because those walks were always way too short anyway. (Besides we no longer needed the excuse...it was love.)

I remember our first kiss. A DAY.
I remember our first fight. PICKING OUT WEDDING INVITATIONS.
I remember our first walk. TO GET AGGIE ICE CREAM.
I remember our first date. WATCHING THE JAZZ GAME ON THE BIG PROJECTOR AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE AND FEEDING HIS PIRANHA LEFTOVER STEAK.
I remember the first time you met my parents. AT A KAO CAMPGROUND NEAR THE CANYON.
I remember the first time I met your parents. AT THE BIG FAMILY REUNION WITH 50 OTHERS.
I remember the first night we spent together. CAMPING IN THE BACK OF MY PATHFINDER UP THE CANYON--SNUGGLING TO KEEP WARM. (I slept sooo well, sorry you were so uncomfortable all night!)
I remember the first day I wore my engagement ring. WE HAD TO DRIVE SEPARATE CARS THROUGH THE CANYONS AND I DROVE WITH MY LEFT HAND FLEXED ON THE STEERING WHEEL SO I COULD ADMIRE IT THE WHOLE WAY HOME.
I remember the first compliments on my ring. AT THE CHEVRON GAS STATION- THE ATTENDANTS FELL IN LOVE WITH IT AND THEN NEARLY FELL OVER WHEN I TOLD THEM I HAD IT LESS THAN AN HOUR!!
I remember our first night in Park City. IT STORMED. LOTS OF THUNDER AND LIGHTNING! IT WAS AN AMAZING NIGHT!
I remember the first time I farted in front of you. THE FIRST MORNING OF OUR HONEYMOON-YOU HEARD IT FROM THE SHOWER--impressive. (you on the other hand farted in front of me when we were still dating- in the truck with no one else to blame)
I remember our first pillow fight. IT WAS ON OUR HONEYMOON AND YOU KNOCKED MY ASS RIGHT OFF THE BED (AND YOU WERE SOOO PROUD OF YOURSELF!)
I remember the first time I talked to your sister on the phone. SHE WAS TRYING TO REASSURE ME THAT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH ME AND WANTED TO MARRY ME (this was two nights before you proposed).
I remember our first (of MANY) roadtrips. DRIVING OUR U-HAUL FROM SALT LAKE CITY TO IOWA (AND YOU TURNED LEFT FROM A LANE YOU "THOUGHT WAS A TURNING LANE"--almost crashed us!)
I remember the first time we moved. YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW WEAK I REALLY WAS-- TRYING TO GET ME TO MOVE FURNITURE DOWN INTO A BASEMENT APARTMENT?? (you wised up and and put an empty box over my head)
I remember our first "cell phone". EACH OF US HAD A PAGER FOR $9.95/mo AND BEGAN THE 9999999- i love you PAGES.
I remember the first time I told you we were pregnant. I INSISTED ON MEETING YOU ON CAMPUS BEFORE YOUR NEXT CLASS- you were so cute and so happy.
I remember our first Lamaze class. CHECK INTO CASH! HAHA.
I remember the first piece of jewelry I gave you. A NECKLACE TO REMIND YOU OF ME...where the dolphins go.

watching Beavis and Butthead reruns, watching a year of Mad About You, then a year of Dharma and Greg, and a year of Will and Grace (a theme maybe?) rollerblading in the library parking lot, rescuing Reggie from the garbage truck (our tall potted tree we managed to sneak into our basement apartment), going to the Dairy Barn for ice cream, picking up bricks and rocks on our walks, feeding the ducks and daring ourselves to have sex in the park (never happened), daring ourselves to go skinny dipping in the public pool (we actually did that one), eating dinner on the floor of our apartment (or on grandma's coffee table), shit break- yes I'd have to take the bus home during school, alex and izzie (our two beautiful Siamese cats), roadtrips to New Mexico and Utah and back again, going to the movies, watching Crank Yankers, meeting at my little chinese fast food restaurant beside campus- Happy China...

happy 10th anniversary.

it's been worth every minute.

i love you. and i love our life together.

This is ME at 30

2008-07-30T00:03:00.001-05:00

Cream is my favorite color, especially that cream with a hint of sparkles...it's just gorgeous. In fact my heaven isn't white- it's cream. It's cream and it's beautiful.
I like road trips. I wear only pj's and flip flops, sunglasses and no bra. I think it's funny to "get dressed" when you're just going to be sitting in a car for 12 hours!
I truly hate to fly. It's become so annoying to me these past few years. Doesn't matter if I'm flying alone or with my family, I still feel claustrophobic and anxious (not about crashing or terrorism, just the fact that I am forced to be stuck in one spot for a certain number of hours and can't change my mind).
I don't drive in the rain. Hydroplaning in college was enough to scare me for life. I don't like driving in heavy traffic either. I'm just not used to it. I don't like it.
After a lifetime of daydreaming about "the beach", I've learned that I don't really like anything about the beach (other than the idea of course). The salt water tastes bad and dries out my skin and all the sand...ugh!
I miss my grandparents. Picking peas in their garden or riding my grandpa's 10 speed around the circle drive and chasing the many kittens that kept repopulating every spring.
I don't think I'm as afraid of death as I used to be...now I'm just more afraid of leaving my children without a mother.
I love my calling in church. I teach Sunday School and it forces me to learn more about the scriptures. Teaching makes me happy.
I sing a lullaby to my kids every night before they go to sleep. I wrote it for my first when I was pregnant with my last. I wanted her to have some tangible memory of childhood, something that only mommy could give her. And now it's become mommy's lullaby for all three of them. I cherish those moments.
Napping is one of my favorite past times. I love to crawl under my covers and snuggle down in my bed, knowing that I get to do something just.for.me.
I still don't fall asleep well at night. I bet I was born a night owl (and I'll die a night owl). It's just in my blood, not my fault.
My parents are amazing. Every day I realize what a huge responsibility it was to raise me and I'm in awe of all the little things they did to do it so well.
I want to be like my mom-- she's my best friend. I can't explain that bond. It just IS and I could never live without her. EVER.
I want to be like my dad when I grow up too-- he's my Yoda. His advice is always exactly what I need to hear (which is usually the same thing I already know but need him to be the one to say it). Every major upset in my life has ALWAYS been calmed by my daddy. I'm his little lovergirl.
I love to take pictures. I'm not good at "photography" but I really love to record our life in pictures.
I never write in my journal anymore. It was my thing all throughout high school and college, but I've just outgrown the "why me? I need to write it all out before I can sort through any of it" phase of my life. I have no desire to go back.
I don't enjoy going to the movies anymore. It makes me feel as though I'm being transported out of this life for a couple hours and then being slammed back into reality when it's over. It causes me to ponder my own mortality way too much.
I don't watch t.v. very often anymore, but that tends to fluctuate depending on the season. It just isn't a "must" for me as it has been in the past.
I love getting new makeup and a new haircut. It's such fun to constantly reinvent myself; I do it as often as I can.
I love pajamas. Good pajamas, comfy pajamas.
I don't like to wear shoes when I drive. I love shoes but I don't like wearing shoes, it's all just for show. Shoes are an accessory, like jewelry and unless there's anyone else you need to impress, ya just don't wear it. Except my wedding ring, of course. I NEVER take it off. I love my ring. It is perfect for me and I NEVER want anything different.
Kittens and puppies are the sweetest things in the world...just like babies (I only wish they could stay that little forever).
I love the smell of rain and fresh cut grass.
I love the feel of humidity early in the morning. (I miss Louisiana.)
I'm addicted to my cell phone. It's my lifeline, my camera, my planner, my little black book, my companion-- I feel lost and naked without it.
I love my daughter's American Girl doll. I encourage her way too much but it's like being a child again. The excitement of a new doll--and not just any doll. A special doll!
I'm not good at keeping the house clean. I'm not good at keeping my life or my mess organized. Clutter continues to rule around here but I'm a perfectionist about my projects. Go figure.
I can't sing. I can't dance. But I love to do both when I'm alone or when I'm with my kids. I can pretend I'm a rock star when they are around!
I still have my passion for medicine, though it has been muted for the past several years. I'll get back to it one day. I no longer fear that all is lost.
I can sleep. I can dream. I can laugh and I can cry. I can get angry. I can get depressed. I can scream. I can pray. I can lock myself in my room. I can be happy. I can be grateful. And I can appreciate my beautiful life.

I don't know what time I was born. For some reason it DOES make a difference. I know that I'm now less than 24 hours away from no longer being 29 and I'm scared. I wasn't anxious about this until now. Right now. I'm not afraid of getting older...I'm only afraid of no longer being in my twenties. What now? It's the monster at the end of the book. I know it's just me (and that it's not really "the end") but I still don't want to leave 29 and I'm still scared.

"Tough shit and happy birthday!" (awe...I love you N8! Thanks for making me laugh when all I thought I could do was cry.) You are the best at knowing just how to make me smile. XXOO

July 10th is a great BIRTH DAY

2008-07-10T10:56:00.007-05:00

Just Me changed her password sometime over the past six months...

so I was unable to hack into her blog! Why would she do that?

She's in labor right now. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. It looks like c-section might be next on the agenda for her little man.

I love you JM and can't wait to meet that baby boy!! xxoo

***Update***

baby was born this morning! C-section. I'll write more when I have more details. for now I'm just throwing myself a pity party that I don't get to be there...

My new CRACK

2008-06-23T21:42:00.007-05:00

(or marijuana...however you choose to look at it)

I'm so over television. A series on DVD and a husband out of town for the weekend. Season one, disc one. Season one, disc two. Season two, disc one. Season two, disc two. Season three, disc one. Season three, disc two. Season three, disc three.

Our A/C has been gone for over one month now!!

2008-05-31T22:27:00.004-05:00

Seriously. NO AIR.

I'll download pics tomorrow to prove it. We are in georgia HELL.

and this is the only song helping me sleep tonight...

Kicked my TRASH

2008-04-28T22:11:00.003-05:00

The perk of joining a gym? You get a personal trainer for a month. The drawback of joining a gym? You get a personal trainer for a month! And if you are 4 minutes late for your first appointment he'll say, "little miss, you're gonna get your trash kicked"!

and guess what? It was garbage day.

***********************************

On the plane ride home (more on that another time) I contemplated my life. Mainly accountability...over the past 6 months I have employed others to keep me accountable for my own responsibilities. Seriously.

house cleaner: every other week (keeps me on track w/ putting things away, doing laundry, and picking up after the kids and myselft)
organizer: every other week (keeps me on track w/ eliminating clutter, keeping my house in order and tidy)
trainer: to kick my ass and tone my muscles
exercising: membership at The Gym so I can be active and healthy

So let me get this straight:

In order to have a home that is clean and organized and a body that is tone and healthy I have to PAY.OTHER.PEOPLE?? Somehow my accountability in this life is seriously codependent!

*and yet I can't do it on my own- I'll always need a mentor (or a muse)!

Is Crop Dusting Illegal??

2008-04-12T20:18:00.009-05:00

Our world has been colored GREEN. (neon green, you might call it yellow--but it looks GREEN to me!) It's dust. And it's everywhere.

Apparently it's POLLEN season, which generally lasts an entire month around here! Allergies are painful and Zyrtec, Claritin, and all other OTC and prescription drugs are flying off the shelves, which means I have to go to three different drug stores to find the ones right for my son! And then pay $85.

We can't play outside, we can't open the windows, we can't keep things clean, we can't afford any more prescriptions, and we can't breath!!

I'm trying here, PEOPLE!!

2008-04-06T23:06:00.003-05:00

*between this and my antidepressants, I just might actually become a decent human being capable of surviving in this world without punching stupid mothers who think they know more about parenting my own children than I do!

Err...something like that anyway.

Sick...very, very sick.

2008-02-28T00:53:00.006-05:00

I have three little petri dishes that go to school every day, (ballet, gymnastics, t-ball, and whatever else they can expose themselves to), and then harbor and grow a cocktail of germs and illnesses just waiting to be compounded by one another and then shared with us.

Strep has been confirmed. Enfluenza has been confirmed. Insomnia is at it's best.

N8 has come home early from work twice now (he doesn't take sick days so you know it's bad!) Tiny has missed school all week, Sweetie will have to miss her long awaited Dr. Suess and Pajama Day at school tomorrow, and I will continue to wear my pajama-of-the-week outfit, stained with antibiotics, Motrin, and cough syrup. Oh- and snot, don't forget the snot.

Strep Happens.
Medication Happens.

Enfluenza Happens.

For Everything else, there's the FINGER.

I NEED...I NEED...

2008-02-09T22:52:00.000-05:00

FIRST THOUGHT:

OK, I am codependent. I have issues. Though I am trying to define that line between wants and needs, I still like to spend money on clothes and makeup, and I'm always in the market for a new purse or bag. ALWAYS! I think sometimes shopping can be a need (like retail therapy after a particularly depressing day) and other times it's just a want (like going to the store and buying something just to make a purchase, not really caring about what I get). And it's hard to set a budget for those situations because if I have it, I'll spend it. If I spend it, I'll end up needing it later. If I don't spend it and I get another allowance, then it will be burning a hole in my pocket and I'll have to blow it at Target just because I can.
bottom line: no budget. no judging.

SECOND THOUGHT:

There is something however that I always NEED--and that is my friends. I NEED them. When life gets hectic and busy and my friends get neglected...my life seems off course. I like to know what's going on, I like to chat, I like to read their blogs and get e-mails and text messages. I like the feeling of knowing someone else cares about what goes on in my life. I need YOU.
bottom line: stay in touch. i'll try harder too.

Now just imagine: Wants and Needs together!!! Anyone wanna go shopping?! ; )
and yes, the title was a plug for High School Musical 2: I need FABULOUS!!

Good to Know (in times of crisis)

2008-01-24T23:49:00.000-05:00

I heard I could buy an overstuffed chair for the dog at Costco (seeing as how she always likes to sit on the couch because she can then use the back to support her body all curled up in a little ball)...so I was surfing Costco.com to find said chair. I found it. Adorable and less than $50!! Not bad. Before I checked out though, I noticed all of the search icons at the top of the screen...particularly to the left side of the website...

What's new...Appliances...Auto...Funerals...Furniture...Gifts and Tickets...

WAIT!! DID THAT JUST SAY FUNERALS?? Ummm, yes. Yes it did.
(click)

Go ahead, see for yourself. If you or a loved one dies, tell the others to go cheap and buy in bulk. Perhaps you could also let the mob in on that little secret, might save them a pretty penny or two when trying to dispose of the bodies.

-seriously? a casket from Costco?...S & H charges are covered in the cost, how thoughtful...why not just purchase mine now and store it out back until the time is right to receive my great reward?...we don't have enough furniture in this house, HELL, why not make it part of the sitting room?! Guests will LOVE the idea...wtf?? I need to go to bed.

Umm...I think the Weather is a bit CONFUSED!

2008-01-20T01:12:00.000-05:00

It snowed on Wednesday then again today!! And to quote Just Me, I'm not sure but I think hell is finally freezing over!! (not that I think Georgia is a hellish place, but they don't call it HOTLANTA for nothing!)

So of course we spent a lot of time outside in our grossly inadequate gloves, hats, jackets, and tennis shoes so we could build a snowman and take pictures (LOTS of pictures)! The kids were so excited--it was almost magical to them, you could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. And I never would have believed it was all real unless we had the pictures and videos to prove it! It's been an amazing week!

Ohh How Approriate!!

2008-01-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure where to start or which part of the story would be the most entertaining...hmmm
Perhaps I'll give a brief "Cliff's Notes" and go from there.

Wednesday was a busy, busy day
Tiny went back to preschool, Mary and I celebrated with pedicures!
cooked a yummy, yummy dinner (no really, it's true!)
cleaned the house (and interviewed someone to help me every other week!)
visited with friends until midnight
crashed right away
Tiny came into our room at 3 o'clock in the morning demanding a drink of water
we refused to get up, so she began to puke...it was LOVELY
(she really was sick, yes I do feel a bit guilty)
I was up with her the rest of the night, bathing and puking, rinsing and wiping, then repeat
I went downstairs to fetch a barf bucket.
slipped on my pajama bottoms
caught myself on the banister and let my toes curl under
and I broke my middle toe!
MY TINY LITTLE MIDDLE TOE.
Not worth a damn thing unless it's BROKEN!
then it's worth ALL kinds of things!! Like walking up and down the stairs, walking to the bus stop, putting on shoes, driving the car (right foot, of course!), standing in the shower, standing to teach Sunday school, sleeping comfortably, getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, having (or NOT having) sex, getting stomped on by little feet or paws throughout the course of a day, going out to dinner with the family and having to walk across the parking lot and then in between tables all squished together, pedicures, shopping or merely browsing through my Happy Place-Target, playing footsie, chasing after the damn dog when she decides to bolt out the front door, rescuing Tiny when she gets stuck between her bed and the wall (a common occurrence), running to catch the phone...
And let me just tell you this much: IT SUCKS.

*this was the morning after--and now, three days later, the bruising is OH sooo PRETTY! I'll have to upload some more pics, but that would require walking into the other room to retrieve the camera...and well, I'm just not willing to do that at this point in time!

___________________________________________________

UPDATE: (yes, more pictures! this is the only therapy I get!)

*the awful stairs at 3 o'clock in the morning!

I.AM.A.BLOGGER.

2008-01-08T09:58:00.000-05:00

I am once again reminded that in order to be a true blogger you must be completely self absorbed. When searching through previous posts from 2 years ago in order to find that really cute haircut...be mindful of those around you.

When they see you laughing, when they see you shaking your head, when they hear you say Oh MY HELL (besides knowing that you are from Utah) they now know you are shallow and self absorbed--so much in fact that you will tune out the rest of the world so you can completely lose yourself in your past musings. They now know you have a serious attitude problem and a tendency to insult others and divulge their secrets,* and they will leave you feeling alone and guilty.

Now I'm not saying you should stop blogging (that would be blasphemy)!! All I'm sayin' is that perhaps you might want to wait until you are surrounded by the privacy of your own home before you start flippin' page loads, revealing yourself to In Real Life friends that could leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable (though they should know by now that you will be blogging about the whole situation an hour later)!!

*But do you think they realize they are no longer safe from the random thoughts that pass through my mind and into the world wide web purely for my own entertainment and self satisfaction? No? OK let's just keep that between us. Thanks.

UPDATE:
After reading your comments, I guess I could just be more specific. After all, it's not like my friend Mary wouldn't know I was talking about her if she read my post!! So here's what happened:

We were at my friend's house getting my hair cut and colored, but I forgot to print out the picture I had in mind. I knew I had a picture on my blog from a couple years ago though, so I began the search while she and Mary chatted over breakfast. Meanwhile I became LOST in my earlier posts...searching for the one with the cute haircut, I kept reading my past musings and completely ignored everyone else! (You have to understand, our kids were there, her kids were there, total chaos and uproar with 5 little kids and a dog; meanwhile I'm just sitting at the computer laughing and having a good time!...don't mind me!) After a while I realized I was the only one there! So after finally finding my picture, and insisting that they come see my blog, my friends seemed a bit...miffed? (in a "roll your eyes" kind of way), and it became clear to me that they sooo do not understand the vanity of a blogger! It takes a special person to be so self-absorbed! : )

A Novel?

2008-01-05T00:07:00.000-05:00

So I'm reading this book, "Those Who Save Us," and the story goes back and forth between Germany in the early 1940's and the United States in the late 1990's. The "child," (now a grown woman), begins to remember bits and pieces of her early childhood, mostly from her dreams...but it is amazing to me what children remember and what they completely forget as adults. It got me thinking...

What are some of your earliest childhood memories? I bet they are nothing spectacular or horribly traumatic, right? My memories as a three year old consist of a red door on our old house and fake butterflies on the walls, a blue plastic fridge downstairs somewhere, my mother (a nurse) giving us our immunization shots at home (which I thought was completely normal by the way), once in Oklahoma I remember her wallpapering my room with some girlfriends and I had to stay with a friend the WHOLE.entire.day (it was annoying and made me homesick)...but anything spectacular or traumatic? No.

Once I was old enough to go to school I began to remember my life by grades. Memories of kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, and so on...with only bits and pieces in between. One particular memory is of my mom helping me get ready for school in the morning. She put my clothes on the heating vent to get warm while she made breakfast, and I wore a blue puffy coat to school that day. Particularly spectacular or horribly traumatic? No.

I remember asking my mom to time me as I ran a circle around the house, practicing for T-ball. I remember sweeping the porch and being afraid of the toads that hid behind the grill. I remember playing with the string from the blinds and teasing my cat. I remember being in the garage as my mom got a pound of ground beef from the deep freezer when a can of juice fell out and landed on her foot- she yelled, and though I knew it wasn't my fault, I apologized for it anyway. Was it anything spectacular or horribly traumatic? NO- but it is a moment I will never forget. I just don't know why.

What is it about a particular experience that forms a lasting memory? I need to know! I worry all the time about the damage I am doing to my kids with the constant mood swings, the ups and downs of depression, my constant fight to find "quiet time" and "leave mommy alone so she can rest" time...how is all of this going to effect my children? What memories will they have of their early childhood when they are 29 years old and reflecting on some book they read spawning a sleepless night filled with worry and dread?? What will my children talk about when they get together 20 years from now and play the "remember when..." game? Will they be talking about their crazy mother and how it's a wonder they all survived without years of therapy?

Will Tiny remember the time I lost my temper because she lost the only picture I had of my grandparents with all three of my children? Will she remember that I completely lost control because it was no where to be found?? Or will she remember the next day, how I tried to comfort her and tell her I was sorry and that it was "no big deal" and that mommy could always get another picture? Will Sweetie remember that I got irritated with her when she couldn't ride her bike without a push? Or that I picked her up late at night and snuggled her, reassuring her that she was the absolute sunshine in my life? Will Bud-duh remember how pissed off I got in the mornings to find he had once again wet his pants and soaked the couch cushions? Or will he remember the lullaby I sang to him every night before he fell asleep?

Perhaps they won't remember any of those things. Perhaps they will only remember the bits and pieces of being a child that make no sense...memories that will have them questioning the reasons behind those lasting impressions years down the road.

And maybe by then I’ll have forgotten the depressing recollections from "early motherhood" and remember only the gratifying facets of raising my children...

Uh OH!!

2008-01-02T22:01:00.001-05:00

As you can see...it was time for a change. Subsequently I lost all my links and any extra musings I've acquired over the years! So I will spend the next several days trying to find each and every one of you...but if you feel the need to help me out-- PLEASE leave a comment with your info!

Thanks, you're a real peach!
LOVE YA

Just Because!

2007-12-10T23:58:00.000-05:00

Christmas is now less than 2 weeks away...and my mind is constantly racing with everything I still need to do! So I decided to just take a break and post some pics of the reason why my life truly is sooo perfect.

DAD- this IS my gratitude list! ; )

i'll let ya know how it turns out

2007-12-09T00:05:00.000-05:00

The INSTANT my head hit the pillow...all symptoms of feeling exhausted, overly tired, and sleep deprived VANISHED. Am I tired? Oh no--because that would imply I was actually turning into a normal human being--one that wakes up early, enjoys a productive day, and goes to bed at a reasonable time! NO that would be too simple!

My train of thought went something like this:

tired...long day...why?...oh searched online to find something fun to do as a family for the holidays...then the parade...enjoyed our little outing...but the chicken strips hurt my stomach...the kids liked getting candy and seeing the dogs...my neighbor just got a dog...who else?...oh sweetie's friend from school...her dog died last year...my dad's dog died last year too...that was an awful experience...his bird died too...maybe i'll get him a Fur-real parrot as a joke...sick joke maybe...crap i haven't done any christmas shopping for my brothers...gift cards are good...i love target and old navy...but i want one from best buy--i need jessie's camera and her talent, can't buy that one....damn...n8 needs to install our new printer...i might need it tomorrow...took cute pictures in the leaves...need some photos printed...i still have to work on my sunday school lesson before church...last time i taught was so uninspirational...i was nervous. family was in town....n8's family will be in town for christmas...i wonder what groceries i'll need to have on hand...they are such foodies...giggle...i'm turning into one too...our first christmas was nothing but ham and cheese sandwiches for me! that was so long ago...his dad said i looked like a cancer patient with my new hat...we were so young and stupid...i hated being stupid...high school was stupid...one guy told me he liked to try new flavors of ice cream because he was tired of vanilla...ha! his girlfriend was pissed she got called vanilla...he ended up working for my brother...akward...i dated guys who worked for him...why?...i never did date brian...that would have been weird...i wonder if he has any more kids now...i have more kids now...three to be exact...they are so cute...so damn cute!...i'd be jealous of my cute kids if i were someone else's mother...in fact, i'd just slap myself...giggle...i just cracked myself up and no one is awake to laugh with me...i should try to sleep...how? count sheep? where did that idea come from in the first place? sesame street? nah...it's been longer than that...i should google it...hell i should get up and write all this down...maybe THEN i can finally fall asleep...

UPDATE: I still can't sleep, so I googled my blog. i think it's hilarious that out of the 200 some odd posts, the ones showing on my record has to do with poop, PMS, or inappropriate body parts! Now of course I can't sleep because I'm giggling at some of my previous posts...and again-- NO ONE is awake to laugh with me!!

My Favorite Flower...

2007-12-06T07:20:00.000-05:00

Cali Lilies have been my favorite flower since I discovered white daisies were more of a trend in the late 90's than anything else (after all, who doesn't like daisies?) Anyway, when we were first dating, N8 brought me a bouquet of beautiful wild flowers and cali lilies in a long stem box. They were beautiful and later became the grand design for my wedding bouquet.

Today I was flipping through a major fashion magazine and came across an ad for "vaginal rejuvination", apparently it's a big deal and people travel from all over the country to get their umm...yep--their girly parts nipped, tucked, tightened, or lasered because it's simply that big of a deal.

WHY THE HELL ARE THESE TWO TOPICS CONNECTED?!
you tell me-- click here!

-ok, so if the link above doesn't work then click here
you'll just have to scroll down to the middle of the page--the image I'm after is copyright protected or I'd just post it myself!! grrr.

Meeting Her Again for the First Time

2007-11-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

I fell in love with my best friend's baby before she was even born and bonded with her the instant I laid eyes on that precious girl because I loved her mother. I had no idea it could ever get any better than that moment. I was wrong.

My niece came to visit for Thanksgiving. The last time I saw her she wasn't even a year old. She celebrated her 2nd birthday a couple months ago...and I never knew just how much I loved her until yesterday. Seeing this little girl for the first time all over again made my heart melt. She has the eyes of my brother, his nose, his facial expressions--and yet the delicate features of her mother. She is MY niece, MY family.

When my big brother (my very first friend, my mentor, my father figure, my confidant, my childhood hero) introduced me to his little girl--I wanted to wrap her up in a cute little bow and keep her forever because she was so much a part of me...I just never knew it until this weekend. Now I understand.

I saw her for the first time all over again, and I fell in love with her more than I ever thought possible.

I Understand.

2007-11-17T11:17:00.000-05:00

When you have a child that has some type of delay, whether it's speech related or some other general developmental delay, any bit of progress appears as a monumental milestone.

Just last week I got to see Bud-duh open his carton of milk from the cafeteria all by himself and I wanted every parent in that room to acknowledge this accomplishment and be just as proud of him as I was at that very moment.

So when I read Dooce's post "Got Her Back Against the Record Machine", I completely understood. I get it. My child has just reached the stars.

And I LOVE this little boy!

Are You SURE We're Talking About The Same Kid?

2007-11-16T13:24:00.000-05:00

We got Tiny's fall preschool evaluation home the other day, and N8 and I read it together-- guess when we started to laugh?...

Tiny is a very quiet, reserved little girl at school. She usually enjoys playing and spending time with the other children. Sometimes her feelings get hurt and she cries during play. We always work to straighten out these situations. She seems to enjoy our various circle time activities and she often participates in class discussions. Tiny always listens carefully, works hard and follows directions. She is a very well behaved, polite little girl. We do enjoy having her in our class. She is doing very well!

OH REEEEAAALLLLLYYYY?

I Am Normal. Shaddup. I Am Too!

2007-11-08T17:33:00.000-05:00

Funny conversation today:

discussing toys with my friend,--(speak up if you wish)--
and somehow she brought up the fact that her Barbie dolls always ended up doing naughty things when they got together!

(light bulb moment)

MINE TOO!! Why is that?! Somehow Barbie was always naked and Ken was on top (fully clothed, go figure)--but that's probably the TRUE reason my husband won't allow Barbies in the house, not that they promote unhealthy body types with big boobs but the fact that they have SEX every chance they get!! Naughty, naughty toys.

*btw, apparently my friend and I are not alone in this-- Just googling for this picture brought up some horrible websites. (and NO--I did not include the words "naughty" or "sex"--I do have some smidgen of decency thank.you.very.much)

That's it- Barbie's out. She's an absolute whore and a disgraceful representative of women everywhere. I'm voting her off the Island.

Only This:

2007-11-04T19:36:00.000-05:00

*within the walls of this house is the only place on earth that I am in control. I can worry sick over my children. I can fix the problems that go on within my own home. I can discuss solutions with my husband that will make our lives easier. But I cannot do more than that. If the walls of our house come caving in then I can be the one to jump in the middle of it and fight. If the walls begin to cave in for someone else, then all I can do is offer a prayer.

And that the ONLY thing I can do. I have to recognize that God is in control; otherwise our world would spiral out of control. (and that is just something I am not willing to be held accountable for)

If the shoe FITS...

2007-10-29T21:50:00.000-05:00

This year I dressed up as a witch...how appropriate that the only purchase I had to make was the $1.99 hat from Target! (As my friends and family attest--I am a real WITCH lately)

I will wear my shoes proudly and fly away on my broomstick.

And trust me, you DON'T want to be caught in my way-

Still Lost in Thought...

2007-10-24T21:33:00.000-05:00

Tonight our women's group got together for Girls Night Out. We were at the same restaurant for nearly 4 hours!! It was so nice (and somewhat amusing) to be with others who could relate to me at this point in my life, especially when that comfort and guidance came from all different walks of life.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives (and the perceptions of how we view other's lives) that we miss out on so much. Every person on this earth has a story to tell. Every person we come in contact with has a history. Every person we pass on the street has a LIFE too.

We shared stories that made us laugh. We shared stories that made us cry. I feel so uplifted and yet at the same time--so incredibly humbled.

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when [she] discovers that someone else believes in [her] and is willing to trust [her] with [her] friendship."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

So tell me... who's the horse's ass in your life?

2007-10-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

or the politically correct: equine heinie?

Apparently I Come with a Warranty

2007-10-15T21:48:00.000-05:00

(and NO, jess, that wasn't meant to sound dirty!)

It's true. After hearing a disturbing interview on NPR today regarding faulty pacemakers, my husband left me a message to have mine checked for a Medtronic RECALL.

Seriously? A recall on a piece of equipment that has been IMPLANTED in my HEART for the past 8 years?!--as though I can just simply exchange it for a new one?!

I downloaded the interview from NPR this morning, (which still wasn't totally clear on WHO is in danger of imminent DEATH), but apparently the leads from a particular model have begun to fray--causing them to break off inside the heart. And it took some digging to find the info on Medtronic's site.

By this point I had become somewhat sadistic-- laughing because there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it at the time--and seriously, what kind of bizarre shit happens only to me? isn't it just fitting then that of all people I should be the one to have a frayed lead break off inside my heart?!!

Then I began looking through all of my original paperwork and came across this lovely piece of information and simply DIED LAUGHING!!

After 5 years, I am Shit Out of Luck. Great.

Thanks NPR for giving me the heads up.

*btw, I am NOT one of those patient's with defective equipment. (even if I were, my cardiologist wouldn't remove it because of the risk of doing MORE DAMAGE to my heart--so either way, I'd have been totally screwed!)

**Not sure the point then...it's like the signs you pass going up the canyon roads "Watch out for Falling Rocks!" as if that's going to make all the difference and save a life!!!

You wonder how I feed my addiction?! Apparently I sell drugs to myself.

2007-09-30T23:34:00.000-05:00

Previous | Next | Back to Messages

To:	littlemissblogspot@yahoo.com
Subject:	Store
From:	littlemissblogspot@yahoo.com

LMAO!

2007-09-17T19:07:00.000-05:00

I think Will Ferrel is one sick puppy! But I'm so glad he spends his time making home videos to share with the rest of us on the world wide web!

THE LANDLORD
(CLICK HERE!)

P.S. Princess Reva and Barefoot Belle, you truly are the luckiest girls in the world because you have me in your life. I know, it's the truth.

An Ode To Princess Reva and Barefoot Erika

2007-09-14T08:12:00.001-05:00

Do you know how lucky the little miss is? Well let US tell you!

Oh Reva, how do I love thee, let me count thy many great qualities:

Reva thou art ridiculously good looking, lovingly neurotic, always loud and entertaining, a little left-brain challenged, extroverted, confoozled, estrogenated, FAB-BUL-OUS, unflatulent (too bad), incredibly musical (in fact I hear she still gots it!), hilarious, magnanimous, friend whore, cuddle whore (not sure we needed that information, what am I talking about? of course we do!), Ikea whore, chaste and a sexysexybeast. What more could a girl want???

Maybe a little Erika to go along with it:

Erika thou art pushy and insightful, distant but entertaining, LSU loving, headquarter remolding fool (did I mention my new bath tub?). Thy toes are ALWAYS painted, and she loves her some Barenaked Ladies (who doesn't?), Thy new camera completes her in ways she never imagined possible. Thy gazelle like intensity and complete lack of focus always makes things entertaining, to say the least. In short, never a dull moment, weather you need one or not.

Oh fair ladies, how lucky indeed is the little miss.

*this post was written by DRY Ink administration, with help from Princess Reva and based upon an idea of Princess Reva's in order not to have to look at the previous post for another damn minute! Okay and maybe to entertain ourselves just a little.

Do you know How LUCKY I AM?~ let me just tell you.

2007-08-15T21:05:00.000-05:00

Honestly. This is going to sound soo cheesy, but I'm the luckiest person in the world (or the most blessed, or the most pittied) either way...you ought to be jealous.

Seriously. I have the greatest friends a girl could EVER have. I don't have to worry about letting them get too close...because I won't be judged. I don't have to worry about losing their trust...because they've got mine. My friends (and you know DAMN WELL who you are!!) make my world complete. I can e-mail you simply to say my mom's "best friend" is a horrible human being, sign off with ON THAT NOTE, I love you! and not worry about what I just wrote. I can call you simply to ask you to jump online and look up a phone number for me because I'm driving around town, and though you are 2,000 miles away--you still do it. And I don't have to feel guilty that that was the extent of our conversation. I can call and leave you a voicemail to let you know I miss you and ramble on about some insignificant details of my day...and not worry that you are going to think I just wasted three minutes of your time talking about scrubbing the toilets and walking to the mailbox in 107 degree heat because it's hotter than HELL down here...

and for those of you who can read this post and not judge me for being a total spaz are right up there with the best of them! I love my girlfriends.

YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.

Hmmm...

2007-08-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

I had a good post.
I looked forward to blogging
once my munchkins went to bed.
Then...my mind went blank.

BLANK! nuthin' here.

nada.

where'd she go?!
where'd who go?!

*where the hell did I get that from?

On Becoming a Mother

2007-08-09T23:58:00.000-05:00

"...my point is that I haven’t been the mother I always wanted to be. I’ve been overwhelmed by my emotions through these early years. I’ve often felt like I was treading water, biding my time until the waters weren’t as rough so I could finally swim towards shore where I could touch bottom and catch my breath. This week, I’ve begun to notice a change in the current. The water hasn’t been as choppy–or perhaps, I’ve finally built up the endurance to handle it."

-Sleeping Mommy

I can soo relate to this quote! (sleeping mommy, I love you!) Since returning home from our summer vacation, I have been working incredibly hard at becoming the mom I "want to be"-- TRYING to have family dinners together, TRYING not to lose my patience every 5 minutes, TRYING to embrace my children's silly behaviors and LAUGH more often...
I'm sure my children getting older has provided new freedoms, but at the same time, I also feel like I'm better at what I do because I've had years of practice. I truly feel I can handle my CREW with a certain degree of confidence, and you know what? I'm really proud of my little family.

Remind me of this post on days I feel I'm losing it, OK?

On the other hand, who can blame me if I drop the ball completely?? I mean, c'mon, I had a CRASH COURSE in becoming a mother!! 3 kids in under 3 years--wth were we thinking?! Other (sane) moms out there give themselves time to adjust to motherhood-- space them out a bit to ease into their new job but NO, NOT US!--those of us who didn't think that far into the future ended up with a litter
(insert: paid advertisement for birth control!- you're welcome)

p.s. did anyone notice NOT US can be rearranged: NUTSO?!
hmmph. I'm sure there's a reason for that.

Is This Goodbye?

2007-08-05T20:41:00.000-05:00

Oh, I have been dreading this moment. It happened so suddenly and without warning. I'm just still not sure I'm truly ready to say goodbye...

It all started 11 days ago when my stomach was attacked by
some unknown virus. This evil bug has caused cramping, vomiting, and
diarrhea for days on end, making it damn near impossible (or simply not worth it) to
eat or drink much of anything.

As a result, my Coke Zero intake completely diminished, as
did my other fave, Diet Dr. Pepper. Today is the first "normal" day I've
had in 11 days...now the big question. I have neglected my caffeine
addiction for 11 days, suffered through headaches and irritability, late nights
and lack of sleep, and drowsiness throughout
every.single.day.

Having gone this long without ANY caffeine, do I simply say goodbye and allow only memories of the good ole days to get me through those early mornings and late nights?

Or do I stock up on fridge packs of Coke Zero and DDP and make up for lost time??!!

THAT IS THE QUESTION.

Travel Hangover

2007-08-01T11:53:00.000-05:00

Well folks, we made it. We actually got on the plane this time and made it through Houston (stopping 3 times to use the bathroom but hey-I'm getting pretty familiar with the back of bathroom door stalls- remember in middle school? how they use to put ads on the back of doors? Like the school news and adds for tampons? whatever happened to such great advertising?) Anyway, I bought the munchkins a new toy before we left. And can I just tell you it was the best $15 ever spent?! Sweetie got a new horse, Bud-duh got some new dinosaurs, and Tiny got new Polly Pocket girls--kept them entertained for HOURS. Hey-I am sooo not past bribery! Anyway, I am thrilled to be back home. Even damn dog was so excited to see us last night that she kept falling over! I totally have travel hangover but at least it's better than the twilight zone that was my life--being stuck in Utah with sick kids and no luggage. My only saving grace was having Loralee and Jenn come to my rescue Monday night to celebrate my birthday--though once again I saw the back of bathroom doors more times than I care to see ever again--we still had a good time. Good chick flick, yummy food, cute pics (we are still camera whores after all).

Life is sooo not fair.

2007-07-28T19:32:00.000-05:00

We slept well last night, the alarm went off at 5 a.m. No puking, no pooping, no worries. Right?Checked in online, began printing our boarding passes. Tiny PUKES in the living room.

Cleaned up, let's get in the car anyway because I.have.just.checked.in!
Not even five minutes later, Sweetie is running a fever and crying. Then she too PUKES in the living room.

Nevertheless, we push on...because
I have already checked in!

We make it to the airport, walk up to the ticket counter, Tiny PUKES all over and I have to drop everything and RUN to the garbage can. Meanwhile Bud-duh is crying because mommy left, Sweetie is asleep on the floor, and a nice man from the next line over is busy trying to clean up my purse and things strewn everywhere from the ticket counter to the garbage can.

Alright. I get it. We are supposed to be trapped in Utah HELL. We are all suppose to suffer from horrible tummy cramps, puking and pooping until we are all too weak to stand up, AND we are to be trapped here until Tuesday afternoon (without any luggage, I might add)! This is great. Freakin' wonderful (after all, I am in Utah--what did you expect? The F bomb? Heck no!)

$#@$%**&^%$#@@#&!

And you want to know the worst part? My birthday is Monday and as fate would have it, I'll still be puking up everything I eat!! This is supposed to be my BIG birthday, the one I've looked forward to all my life. And I don't even get to be home to celebrate it!

No, I'm not turning 21, I don't care if I can drink or not.
No, I'm not turning 25, I don't care if I can rent a car.
No, I'm not turning 30, I don't give a rat's ass
about being three decades old!

I am turning 29-- the age I will be for the rest of my life! I will be forever 29 and what do I have to show for it? A bucket of puke, sharted underwear, and cranky sick kids who miss their daddy almost as much as I do!!!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to run to the bathroom before this rant REALLY gets ugly.

Up a creek without a paddle (or a suitcase or underwear or toothbrushes)

2007-07-26T19:37:00.000-05:00

Headed to the airport today only to have our flight home delayed by 45 minutes. And not only was it late taking off but they wanted us to BOARD the plane. and sit on the runway. the. entire. "delayed" 45 minutes. until weather cleared up in Houston---(um, insert fave quote here: Houston, we have a problem!)

With only an hour layover in Houston, that left very little time for a mom traveling alone with three little rotten, screaming, crying, tired, ornery, fighting, cute munchkins to make their connecting flight. And I will NOT be stuck in Houston. Alone. With 3 kids! Do I want to take that risk?! Um...Negative Ghostwriter the pattern is full.

So I will now be headed home Saturday morning at the ass crack of dawn, and our luggage will be sitting in lockup at the airport until then. Good times!

UPDATE:

Sweetie woke up at 3 a.m. barfing into the sink!! Then she spent the rest of the morning on the toilet--now my stomach is all crampy and I am hating life!! If the younger two get this virus, then someone PLEASE just shoot me, ok? I cannot do this.

My stomach HATES me.

I have a headache, fever, and chills.

And I fly out tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn.

Did I mention my life SUCKS right now?!

don't read this--

2007-07-19T22:51:00.000-05:00

RECAP at Loralee's!!

She did such a fabulous job posting about our weekend getaway...wait, it was only one night-- and a Tuesday night at that! Oh well. It was fun. Wish you all could have been there. I'll post my set of pics as soon as I can get them off my memory card--

As I tried to fall asleep last night, I had images of GREAT blog posts dancing in my head--only I was too damn tired to remember any of them the morning after. So there you go.

Off to Looney Tunes, my friends! MWAH.

p.s. don't forget to check out the sideblog-- the funniest ringtone EVAh.

Ring, ring ring!! LMAOOOO!!

2007-07-08T23:38:00.001-05:00

When I was in college, I always prayed to marry the man I love. Years later I learned to pray to love the man that I married.

Can I just say how lucky I am to have my husband? Someone who is faithful. Loves me unconditionally. Puts up with my moods. Loves our children as much as I do, would give his life for any one of them. Trusts me with all his heart. Brags about me to his coworkers (and uses me as perfect examples when teaching psychology to undergrads--but we'll just skip over that part!). He loves me! And I love him so much that thinking about him now gives me butterflies in my stomach!

But you know what?-- that love doesn't come naturally, and you're a fool if you think it does! It takes practice. It takes patience. And you have to be humble, lose the pride and recognize how good you really have it!

Because I do.

OVERLOAD!

2007-07-02T01:00:00.000-05:00

This past week has been a frantic one as I tried to get everything ready for our trip out west. Packing. Laundry. Cleaning. Shopping.

Want to know what I've accomplished thus far? Laundry (some), Cleaning (some), Shopping (some), Packing (NONE), Haircuts and Makeovers (CHECK), Photoshop to leave my fellow bloggers with some fantastic pics? (CHECK).

So here you go. My friend cut my hair a couple nights ago (after getting makeovers, VERY fun night) but I didn't get any decent pics. So (of course) I spent my midnight hour taking self photographs in the mirror then photoshopping the crap out of them so they look decent.

Also about an hour before getting the haircut, we tweezed my eyebrows! (ouch) I'm not like Erika who has a set of tweezers in her SUV and is OBSESSED with tweezing her brows! However, after our little makeover it was suggested and voted upon by all in attendance that there is a reason one should become obsessed with thin eyebrows!!

*I'm reminded of A League of Their Own when the girls are at charm school and the Mademoiselle looks at one of the players and says, "eyebrows! thin and separate!" or "there should be two, not one!"

And thus the tweezing began...what do you think?

There was hair EVERYWHERE! Ick.

WHY do I get myself into these things??

***************************

Speaking of haircuts...take a look at what Tiny did to herself--

I know, it could have been worse...but the little imp said "it was too long", and I only found out because there was CHUNKS of hair all over the house! T I N E E E E Y ! ! !

*************************

I hate being gone for nearly a month. It's hard on the kids, it's hard on me. Worst of All, daddy has to stay home due to unforeseen work complications. I HATE it when I have to separate N8 from the munchkins, it breaks my heart...

which explains why last night when I came to bed my heart simply melted:

Sigh...another trip home without my husband.

At least he'll have Damn Dog to keep him company!

**************************

Hope you have a SILLY JULY and

miss us TONS!!!

**********************

Aaah--I almost forgot--

Reva Reva BoBeva, BananaFana fo Feva...

we are HOTT and
DAMN I'm gonna miss you!!

And to my girlfriends in Utah--

I CAN'T WAIT to come and play!!

see ya on the flip side.

THANKS TO THE RED, WHITE, & BLUE (and the orange, yellow, green, and purple)

2007-06-25T09:16:00.000-05:00

After getting a GPS system yesterday, my Dad (aka Willy D.O.) and I decided to "get lost" downtown and let Magi take us home. (Magi is what I named my Magellan navigation system). We took a random exit off the interstate and saw crowds of people everywhere, streets were blocked off, police were on every corner...

then we realized--IT'S PRIDE WEEKEND!!

How could we skip out on such a cultural opportunity?! So of course we parked the car, joined the crowds, enjoyed a flamboyant parade, and then had a nice leisurely lunch on the patio of a local tavern!! It was AWESOME!!

*this all happened after spending the morning at a gun show and buying Coach and Prada bags for under $100 while N8 took the kids to church by himself-- I know, I know...I'm such a decent human being.

A Boy's Gotta Learn Some Time...

2007-06-22T13:48:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to blog about my son discovering "shrinkage"?! Well, I think Erika said it best when she said, all is fair in parenting and blogging.

AND...WELL, IN THAT CASE...

We just got back from the pool when I told miles he needed to go potty. He pulled down his swimming trunks and laughed!

"hey mommy!! mommy!! look!! look!! my penis got fat!!!"

(and impressed that he learned something new, I giggled and said, yes, Bud-duh, that's what happens when you go swimming and the water is cold--)

He laughed some more and said, "hey mommy!! my penis has water in it!! And that makes it fat!! hahhahaaa!!!"

(um, not exactly son...but we'll save THAT talk for another day! Like-- the day you get married!!)

CRUNCHY?

2007-06-19T21:21:00.000-05:00

The girls were looking at pictures on dad's laptop (screensavers) and giggling like...well, like um, little girls. Anyway, when they see a picture of Bud-duh they start LAUGHING (not sure why, probably because most of the pics are from when he was a baby)...

Tiny points and laughs-
look at crunchy Bud-duh!! He's soo silly!

Um, I think you mean chubby Bud-duh.
--hee hee, NO, crunchy bud-duh! He's so very crunchy!

and when I find the camera that TINY has hidden...
I will upload a couple pictures.
Grrr, she is such a Stitch.

--update--

nevermind, I found it in the playroom.

The Dads in My Life...

2007-06-17T17:47:00.000-05:00

In typical Little Miss fashion, I developed cellulitis in my right knee late Saturday night, and by Sunday morning it was INCREDIBLY painful to walk...even sitting still hurt. I had no idea what was going on, just that it was getting worse every hour. So off to Urgent Care I went...

Um...sorry, honey, I need you to load up all the kids in their pajamas and drop me off at the doctor because I'm broken. Oh- and happy father's day.

An hour and a half later, one antibiotic shot in my left hip (I swear it was yellow gel that she was shoving through that needle and now I walk with a limp on BOTH sides), one bout of nausea and vomiting, one set of crutches, one script of painkillers and one more for antibiotics...I return home to my king size baby blue and chocolate bed.
(sorry had to throw that in there)

In the meantime I leave a frantic message on my dad's voicemail (aka Willy, D.O.) that I am dying...
Oh- and happy father's day.

He called back giving me advice and validating my pain (which is ALWAYS a safe way to handle me when I'm stressed) and promising that it will be OK (another safe way to handle me when I'm fragile).

The dads in my life GET ME. I'm not sure that other people get me the way they do. N8 understands my issues almost as well as my dad does...which makes me love them both
SO VERY MUCH.

comfort, advice, validation, unconditional love, calling me out when I need it, encouraging me to go on when I feel hopeless, throwing in their sense of humor to make me laugh, and trying to keep me sane--whatever it takes, my dad and husband are there for me. thank you.

Happy Father's Day!

p.s. just so you all know how wonderful my husband is...
he insisted on doing everything for me today, including walking Damn Dog. I apologized again, and he said, "don't worry about it. It's Father's Day-- a day for fathers to give back." Sigh...I love that man.

I MIGHT have (possibly) peed my pants. MAYBE. just a little.

2007-06-15T19:07:00.000-05:00

MOVING day at Princess Reva's might have been quite eventful. I probably went to her house to help unpack and break down boxes to declutter the kitchen. I bet I even stacked the boxes into one big pile, waiting to be taken downstairs for the garbage man. I probably then TRIED to step over the pile, failing miserably, and I just might have slipped and lost my balance in three different directions as the piles of boxes slid on top of one another until finally the bottom box was sent flying across the hardwood floor, landing me FLAT on my ASS.

And I might have (possibly) peed my pants. And if I didn't pee my pants on the way down, then I probably did it in between fits of laughter and tears. And if I didn't pee my pants because of the laughter or the pain, then I probably peed them a little when Princess Reva's baby SCREAMED at me as I rolled around in hysterical fits of laughter and well...pure CRAZINESS, scaring the living bejeebers out of her!

*Princess Reva might have thought I was kidding about NOT stepping on those boxes...and she just might have found herself FLAT on her back within minutes. She MIGHT have peed her pants too. I'm just sayin...

A Tiny Haiku

2007-06-13T20:18:00.000-05:00

Tiny's bed did bounce.
She fell off, she bumped her head.
She cried, mama came.

Then she looked up at me (between sobs) and said,
"you have dirt on your eyelashes?!"
no.
"yes you do. (sniff, sniff) it's eyelash dirt!"
no. it's mascara.
"scare-ah? (little sobs) you have scare-ah on...your...eyes?"
yes.
"i don't like that. (sniff and sob) it makes me cry (whah!)."

Embarrassed now?--how 'bout now?

2007-06-11T11:20:00.000-05:00

When my husband calls from work, he generally puts me on speakerphone. I get that he is busy and trying to do several things at once, but I HATE being on speakerphone.

So for the 3rd time today, he calls. I answer. He has me on speakerphone. He says, "I forgot to tell you something earlier."

to which I promptly reply:
You want to HAVE SEX with me?!!

*needless to say, he picked up the phone immediately.

No, I Did Not Slap Her!

2007-06-09T22:58:00.000-05:00

Anyone remember the Funkwatch '07? (click here)

Apparently there was no flesh eating virus or killer mosquito ants that secretly attacked without notice...nope! The girl cherub brought it with her! Sweetie hadn't been feeling well this week (I could tell because she was *overly sensitive and tired* haha--those who know me will know why I laughed at that) by Wednesday night she had a fever, crying that her tummy and throat hurt, by Friday afternoon she was lethargic and vomiting. By Saturday morning she was peachy keen and happy as ever...but by Saturday night, she looked like this:

*she no longer has any symptoms of being sick, just

this 'slap yo mama' red marking all over her face and chest. my dad (aka willy, D.O.) said it is Fifth Disease, an immune reaction that occurs after an infection has passed.

Unfortunately the rash may last for a couple of weeks, leaving plenty of time for social services to come knocking on my door...

Kids Bored This Summer?

2007-06-08T07:09:00.000-05:00

HA--send them to vacation bible school!! My kids now sing rodeo songs about Jesus and do line dances to the theme

"Avalanche Ranch: A wild ride through God's word!"
whoo whooo. it is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.

*hey, at least they aren't home with me!

*they had such an amazing time!

Sweet yet Sassy-this is for you:

SADDLE UP YOUR HORSES!! (sing it with me!!)

That's IT--I'm putting it out there.

2007-06-06T14:29:00.000-05:00

On IM the other night, Say Cheese and I were talking about how we never get to actually talk any more. It's been months since we've had an actual conversation (sans the internet) because life is so hectic. Phone conversations just don't occur amidst screaming children, chaotic family dramas, interruptions for scheduling conflicts or service announcements from our husbands, church callings, and 10 million other responsibilities we take on as women every.single.day.

hence ONE OF US might have said the following:
one day we will be able to call each other up just to talk about the huge [dump] we took the day before...but until then, this will have to do.

*So here's my renewed commitment: i promise to write about all the [shit] that goes on around here and archive it for my posterity for your lurking pleasure, skid marks included-
(free of charge, of course)

Trying a Different Approach:

2007-06-04T18:33:00.000-05:00

*humpty dumpty is slowly climbing back up the wall, broken and emotionally drained, but steadily climbing...

Things that have made me happy in the past 24 hours:

1. Listening to all my saved messages from PrincessReva anything from singing the Oscar Meyer weiner song to screaming HOW IS THIS FAIR?!--click. (random as ever and just made me laugh)!

2. Enjoying our new summer hours--NO SCHOOL! no alarms at 6:25a.m./no backpacks with snacks/ no checking the school lunch menu to make sure the munchkins will actually EAT something that day/ no setting clothes out the night before, along with breakfast by the door in case we're running late/ no stress about missing the bus in the afternoon/ NADA.

3. Learning to relax when N8 has the kids. He won't break them. They deserve to get all riled up before bedtime. They get to play chase and scream and be loud with Daddy. Life is actually quite normal for once.
This is a good thing.

It's just my mood.

2007-06-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the king's men

Couldn't put Humpty back together again.

*don't tell me to snap out of it. don't tell me it will get better.
DON'T. It's just my mood.

Duuuude- you could TOTALLY put your weed in there!

2007-05-22T22:29:00.000-05:00

yes. i am high. for the past couple of weeks, my mom has been updating my house (and recruiting my help--it is MY house, after all). we moved beds and furniture. we painted. we cleaned. we ran errands like hurricane katrina was about to knock on our door. did i mention we *pained? and moved lots of furniture? it was INSANE (and totally wonderful all at the same time). only now i have acute muscle spasms near my spine and say things like "grrr", "ouch", "dammit", or the typical "uuuuggghh!!" throughout my day. how do you spell throughout? never crossed my mind until now. i took Soma about 45 minutes ago and i should be in bed sleeping it off. but this is WAY more fun. I had a shot at urgent care and happy drugs to take away the pain. it has been exactly 4 hours of pain free drug induced mommyhood. life is better through these twisty glasses. anyone want to borrow a pair? i have extras. just ask.

i love you all. peace out my friends. peace out.

btw, this is for you. thought i'd share the love.

update:
*Freudian slip, i guess. so sad.

Sorry to have missed you...

2007-05-09T12:12:00.000-05:00

Hi! You've reached the house of Little Miss, et. al.
So sorry we missed you.
Nannie is in town (aka my mom, aka the missionary)
and all is right with the world.

Please leave a message and we'll get back to you
as soon as we can.
Thanks and Have a Great Day!!

(---BEEP---)

Better Than Ezra Lyrics

And the HITS just keep on-a-comin!

2007-05-04T23:46:00.000-05:00

Now Tiny girl is sick, as is the boy. I took them both into the clinic to discover (are you ready for this?!) the beginning stages of pneumonia!! WHOOT. The little generators kept their beds warm all night long, coughing and talking in their sleep...

They'll get better just in time to give it back to Sweetie; then she'll give it to Daddy; then back to me and round and round we'll go. Whoo hoo.

Here's a pic from last night though...Tiny is an absolute angel when she sleeps!

**********UPDATE saturday night*************

too late! Sweetie has been screaming in pain for a good part of the day (and sleeping the rest). I took her to urgent care and discovered her acute ear infection has returned, as well as the extremely high fever and the anxiety she so graciously expresses---

*I just might be spending more time online than ever before.

Either that or you can find me passed out on the floor amongst 1+ sick kid(s), used kleenexes, dried vomit, ear drops with a sticky lid, children's Motrin and Tylenol that has spilled while trying to draw up 10mL of syrup at 3 o'clock in the morning, damp washcloths now starting to smell like mildew, sweaty blankets, the trusty rectal thermometer, cough syrup, and inhalers that cause my children to literally climb the walls---

m-i-c-(c-ya real soon!)-k-e-y-(why? because we love you!)---m-o-u-s-e!
mickey mouse. DONALD DUCK! mickey mouse. DONALD DUCK!
...delirium is good fun, you should try it sometime.

I guess I've been away from blogging too long...

2007-04-29T20:44:00.000-05:00

I was lying in bed last night (with my daughter who had a fever of 104) laughing at the thought of my life playing out like a good blog post. I looked around at my arsenal of Kleenex, an ear thermometer, an oral thermometer (and even one rectal if you must know), Tylenol, Motrin, cough syrup, numbing drops for little ears, Gatorade, and three barf buckets...

I could not stop giggling. (the word delirium comes to mind but whatever) My life was playing out like a good blog post, then I began thinking about thinking about my life playing out like a good blog post while thinking about it...and my mind just went round and round--kept myself entertained all night long as I nursed my little girl back to health.

good times.

Gotta post while the gettin' is good!

2007-03-27T09:15:00.000-05:00

I've been told latey how my blog is all about griping, complaining, venting, bitching, and overall just plain depressing...and people in blogworld must think I'm never happy. This is not true. I feel pretty happy. Really, I do. I like to vent. You know, it's like when you get together with your girlfriends, talk and laugh about the things that bother you, then you can go home and not take those frustrations out on your family?? --Plus I like to have people on my side...you know, my blogworld people. We're all friends here, right?

Anyway--in an effort to prove my happiness, here's some happy news with some happy pictures:

ANOTHER TOOTH! Can you believe it?!

WE ARE SHARKS FANS!! Bite me!

OH- and we are adorable! (Bite me once again)

The park is FUN! No--The Park is TORTURE!

WE ARE ADORABLE and we know it!!

btw Erika, your birthday is over--stop spending money!

Growing Pains

2007-03-20T02:05:00.000-05:00

Sweetie (the 5 year old) told us the other night, "no mom, you have to start it. it's not equipped with Disney DVD fast play". Nate and I just looked at each other--HUH?!

AND the following day, she lost a tooth! I swear this was the most bizarre "OMG I'm a mother" experience yet. You would think my daughter was going through puberty or something, the way it hit me like a ton of bricks! She already has another loose tooth right next to the one she lost! I just hope the tooth fairy can keep up!!

Why Today is SUCH a Bummer!

2007-03-14T08:48:00.000-05:00

I had this great plan--a super FANTASTIC plan--I wanted to have all the details arranged so that when I presented the idea to my husband, he'd have no choice but to agree. One slight problem: we both had plans for the same day, only his couldn't be cancelled. I bet you're dying to know what it is, huh? Well...

I was planning a trip back to Louisiana to visit Erika for her birthday and spend the rest of the weekend partying at Hooter's, leaving all munchkins and cherubs with an unsuspecting, underpaid and overworked babysitter, inspecting the latest additions to her house, gossiping over plain Hershey bars and York Peppermint Patties, laughing about the latest S****isms, running through the Supertarget in barely-there t-shirts without bras and spending money we don't have, jumping on the trampoline to see who will wet their pants first, yelling at Murphy the Dumbass Wonder Dog to get his ass back in the backyard, yelling at the cherubs to get THEIR asses back in the gate, sweeping the kitchen floors, farting in front of Jacob just to see his priceless reactions, going to Wal-Mart at 2 o'clock in the morning to get tampons and chocolate (we're always on the same schedule), IM'ing each other from the front room to the bedroom ---think dirty thoughts and it's even better, and hours spent calling each other "cold hearted bitch" and "overly sensitive girly-girl" (betcha can't guess which one is which!)...and going absolutely everywhere completely barefoot!

**here's the REAL clincher--**

my husband has to go to Louisiana for a dissertation review for one of his former students!! Guess where he'll be staying?? (Erika, even though technically you're not speaking to me, can he please crash at your place and save us the $80 for a hotel room that we can't afford? hmmm?? pretty please??? I'll be your best friend!?!)

* * * * *

ERIKA--I love you. With all the warm-hearted super fuzziness shit you hate, I LOVE YOU. I'm sorry I can't be there for your birthday, but I'll make it up to you. Actually, you're still going to have a good time. I'M the one who is going to be lonely and homesick...just do me one favor? Save the smack down until I can get there and back you up, K?! C'mon, I deserve a seat on the front row, you KNOW I do.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BEAVIS!

How INCREDIBLY Bizarre

2007-03-12T11:44:00.000-05:00

So this morning I dropped Sweetie off at her school, drove three more miles to drop Bud-duh off at his school and park the van (I have to walk him into class, hence I parked the van). When Tiny and I got back to the van, my key would not work! It wouldn't turn--as though I were using the wrong key. Nada. Zip. Nothing. All I could do was laugh; surely there was something wrong with my turning style.

After 1/2 an hour I finally called my friend to come get us and was relieved to discover her husband couldn't start the van either. He took the steering column apart and sprayed DW-40 on the turning mechanism and WHAH-LA! The key turned.

How random is that? Of all the things that could go wrong with my trusty $900 van, THAT is what decides to break. BIZARRE.

*GOOD TO KNOW #131:
Remember how your mom always said, "never leave home without clean underwear because you might get in a car wreck and have to be taken to the hospital"?! Well, that applies to "never leave home without a bra" as well. I had to be back at Sweetie's school for parent activity centers and didn't have time to go home and change first (as originally planned)! I'm just lucky something prompted me to put on my jeans and grab a sweater before I left the house--otherwise I'd be in my pajama bottoms and barely there t-shirt!!

No Longer the Rag-a-Muffin Tiny Girl

2007-03-09T09:25:00.000-05:00

Give a ride to a stranded mom-
get a free haircut for the munchkin.
Not a bad deal, eh?

The mom we stopped to help yesterday happens to be the owner of a darling kids' salon, and she offered to give Tiny a new style. I love it!! A before and after picture is going on their website too! That's my girl!! ; )

*my own little Dora look-alike!

Need for an Update, even though I'm not really "Feeling It" today.

2007-03-05T13:14:00.000-05:00

Why do babies always wait until their mouth is full of cereal and applesauce before sneezing? I have been sneezed on every feeding. (yes, it sounds like I'm talking about animals, doesn't it?--gee, I wonder why.)

I have been babysitting my friend's rug rats, 2 year old boy and 9 month old girl, since Saturday. It's been fun. The baby LOVES to snuggle and the boy is your typical "scream, run, and destroy" hyped up little man. They crack us up.

------------------------------------------------------

I burned myself making cookies yesterday. I know it takes quite a bit of talent to burn your left arm while holding a HOT tray of freshly baked cookies with your right, but search no further. I am up for the Darwin Awards soon, I can feel it.

-------------------------------------------------------

Buddah has stayed dry for going on THREE days now!! But come to think of it, he has yet to poop. OH MY GOSH! My child hasn't pooped since Saturday. Wow, he must really hate the idea of pooping in a potty (something he hasn't ever done). And when did the toilet become a potty? hmmm?

Tiny on the other hand goes all by herself, flushes, washes, then brings me the treat jar for a piece of candy. Little miss independent is ready to take over the world. Except for one, teensy weensy little problem...she has a gag reflex like no other. I cannot change the babies' diapers around her because her eyes water and she starts gagging; this awful noise coming from her gut scares me into yelling "TINY! go in the other room! I'm already cleaning up crap, I do NOT need to clean up puke as well!" Then I laugh because who says that?!

---------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of which, I have discovered some funny sounding words. Blockbuster for example. Say it a few times. It's weird. [blok-buhs-ter] Blockbuster. Or how about this word: Penis. That is a very funny sounding word. [pee-nis] Penis. I have to say it over and over to my four year old, and after a while, it sounds VERY WEIRD.

Back Off. (just a little rant, don't mind me)

2007-02-28T10:39:00.000-05:00

word to the wise:
Continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity!!

I love my family. And I will defend them. I've discovered that even when stupid choices are made, I will stick by my family no matter what. And I will defend them as a mama bear defends her cubs. End of story.

In other words, you mess with the bull and you get the horns. This much I promise you.

8, count them, there are 8

2007-02-26T13:09:00.000-05:00

We are in the midst of potty training the two little munchkins. Tiny is down to about 1-2 accidents every few days, but the boy has had some difficulty. We finally put him in big boy underwear (again) to give that a try (again)...and guess what?! It's working! He is becoming a self-sufficient peepeeinginthepotty little boy. He filled his potty chart on Saturday, which meant he got a dollar and a special date with mom to the Dollar Store.

Now, I knew this day would come; the day when my little boy would decide he liked--no let me rephrase that-- that he loved snakes, something that makes my heart race and anxiety creep up my crooked spine (yes, I have a crooked spine, that's not a pun). I just thought I could avoid it a bit longer. Did you know that you can get 12 of those little plastic pieces for $1?! (sorry, I hate even spelling the word, it FREAKS me out). But the boy went potty; he filled up his chart; what was I supposed to do?

My husband thinks it's hilarious; the same man who lovingly covered up the pictures of snakes in my biology book with duct tape just so I wouldn't freak out when I flipped through the reptiles chapter. And now he is laughing at the anxiety our little boy has caused me. In fact, later that night I stepped on a rubber band and it scared me so bad that I jumped on his back, crying and shaking.
My nerves are SHOT.

Which brings me to the title of this post. We started with 12, one is MIA, three ended up in the garbage (because they looked too real), and the remaining 8 go everywhere with Bud-duh. As long as I can account for all 8, I think I can survive this.

However, if you hear the story of a mother of three dropping dead of a heart attack at the age of 28, you'll know it's because I found one of them under my bed or behind the couch.